How To Not Write A Play

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How To Not Write A Play

People ask me, “Adam, how do I stop writing a play?  It’s so fun and so easy and I forget to eat or have any fun because I’m always playwriting.  How do I stop writing plays constantly?”  So I wrote up this list to help you stop writing plays.

1.     Take a walk.  Don’t take any writing implements with you.  Don’t think about plays.  Don’t write dialogue on your phone and email it to yourself.

2.     Why not binge a TV show on Netflix?  There are so many.  You could spend hours doing that and all that time you will make sure you’re not writing the play.

3.     Have you had a snack?  Have another one.  

4.     Now’s a good time to clean everything.  That will prevent you from writing your play.

5.     Read something.  Stop writing.  Read an article or a book or a funny list or the facebook status of your friend who is in an exotic place you will never be able to afford to go.

6.     Start writing something else, like an article or a poem or a short story or an essay or a book.  You should really write a book anyway.  Or a screenplay.  Or a pilot.

7.     What if you were a cat?  Cats don’t write plays.  Pretend you’re a cat for a while.

8.     Have another snack.

9.     Go to the gym.  Or have another snack.  It's basically the same thing.  Or alcohol!!

10.  Wait a minute.  Watch this funny video.

11.  You should look something up on the internet.  Like revolutionary war uniform buttons or the names of all the Teletubbies. Or the Wombles.

12.  There are more funny videos to watch.  Or what about the video for the Safety Dance.  That’s fun.  That reminds me of Labyrinth.  Watch that.  Oh, David Bowie!  Sad.  Let’s watch all his videos on youtube.

13.  The day is almost done and you have successfully not written a play.  Congratulations!

14.  STOP!  You were about to stay up and write a play, weren’t you?  Don’t you have emails to respond to?

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