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1000 Playwright Interviews The first interview I posted was on June 3, 2009.  It was Jimmy Comtois.  I decided I would start interview...

Apr 24, 2006

new scene (first draft, mind you)

(Enter ELISE carrying a bag.)

ELISE I’m sorry I’m late.

CARRIE Oh, that’s OK.

ELISE Are you all right?

CARRIE Fine, why do you ask?

ELISE You’re sweating a lot.

CARRIE I’m fine.

ELISE Something horrible’s happened. There was a woman in the building I set on fire. I’ve always been very careful. I watch out for my boys, you know and make sure no one gets burned or sprains even a fingertip. It’s not easy. It’s a dangerous job but so far I’ve been successful but then some woman dressed like a banker goes into condemned building I’m burning down. What was she doing there?

CARRIE So what you’re saying is that you burned down the building? The one on the news where the woman was taken out on a stretcher?

ELISE Are you listening to me?

CARRIE Isn’t that what you said?

ELISE Of course that’s what I said.

CARRIE I just wanted to be sure that’s what you said.

ELISE What’s with you?

CARRIE Nothings with me. (Pause) My husband was just here.

ELISE Stop talking about your husband.

CARRIE (Louder) I enjoy talking about my husband. I am fascinated by all topics related to my HUSBAND.

ELISE Can we get back to the session?

CARRIE Yes, I . . . What does a cockatoo sound like?

ELISE I don’t think I should come here anymore.

CARRIE You don’t?

ELISE I don’t think you’re helping me.

CARRIE Of course I am. You really don’t think I’m helping you.

ELISE Well, I’m still setting fires.

CARRIE But you’re in a relationship now. That’s going well.

ELISE Only because I lie to him when he brings up his arson investigations.

CARRIE Sure, but apart from t hat, it’s going well isn’t it? I mean we all have our secrets. KUH KAW!!

ELISE What are you doing?


ELISE Stop that.

CARRIE Sorry. I’m going to go into the hall for a minute.

ELISE What’s goin’ on?

CARRIE Nothing.

ELISE The cops are out there, aren’t they?

CARRIE I told you to stop setting fires. I warned you. I told you someone would get hurt.

ELISE You bitch!


CARRIE Ow. Help!

ELISE Where are they? In the hallway? You can’t hear anything in the hallway. Otherwise all your patients would know all the other patient’s secrets.

CARRIE I know, but, HELP!

ELISE Stop that.

CARRIE Someone has to stop you.

ELISE Well, it won’t be you.

(ELISE takes a gas can from her bag and starts pouring gas in a line on the floor.)

CARRIE My rug! What are you doing?

ELISE What do you think I’m doing?

CARRIE This is my office.

ELISE You’re fired.

(ELISE lights a match and throw it on the ground which goes up in flames*)

(CARRIE stands there a moment in shock while ELISE climbs out the window.)

(CARRIE then runs into the hall screaming. A few seconds later GARY TOMMY and JIMMY burst into the room followed by CARRIE. GARY has an extinguisher and puts out the fire.)

GARY Where’d she go?

CARRIE Down the fire escape.

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