(Back in the White House the PRESIDENT and CHENEY)
PRESIDENT What are you doing tonight, Cheney?
CHENEY Well, me and the wife and Halliburton were gonna go out and catch that new superhero film. That OK?
PRESIDENT Sure sure.
CHENEY Youll be OK in the White House without me for a couple hours?
PRESIDENT Oh, sure. Sure. You know last night Halliburton and I were having a beer and he said the darnest thing. Oh, I shouldnt tell you. Oh, youd hate this. Oh, I gotta tell you. Promise to laugh. You got to promise to laugh.
PRESIDENT You promise?
CHENEY I promise.
PRESIDENT He said you look like the stay puff marshmallow man. Thats what he said. Heh heh.
CHENEY Ha Ha. I will shoot him in the face. I will blast him the fuck away, that fucking bastard who does he think he is?
PRESIDENT Now, dont get upset. Take a breath.
CHENEY Im breathing.
PRESIDENT You promised you would laugh.
CHENEY Im laughing.
PRESIDENT Youre turning red.
CHENEY Im OK. Im fine. Its sorta funny.
PRESIDENT Yeah, right?
CHENEY Anyway, I cant stay mad at Halliburton.
PRESIDENT No. No, no one can.
CHENEY Listen, I know that the American people have been kind of down on you because of the war and all.
PRESIDENT They have been.
CHENEY And I know thats hard.
PRESIDENT It is.
CHENEY But we know were doing the right thing. I know it and you know it and Halliburton knows it and history will show that this is the right war at the right time.
PRESDIENT I know. Its just so hard. Everyone is so critical. Im not used to all this public criticism.
CHENEY Yes, mostly weve managed to shield you from it.
PRESIDENT Lets do that again some more. I just dont like all the talk.
CHENEY No one does. Listen, I know theres a lot of pressure to pull out of Iraq. Let me be honest with you, Halliburton wanted me to talk to you.
PRESIDENT About what?
CHENEY He just wants to make sure youll stay strong.
PRESIDENT He doesnt have to worry about me.
CHENEY Thats good to hear.
PRESIDENT Lets pray a minute.
CHENEY Well, I should be going.
CHENEY Ok, OK.
PRESIDENT Dear God, Sweet baby Jesus. Please give us the strength to continue this most important war. Please be with our soldiers as they are bombed on the side of the road and blown into smithereens. Please ride beside them. And please let the American people know that you stand beside me. Maybe you could give them a disease. Heh heh. Those bastards. Well show them. And please fill me with your mercy so I can stop hating Cheney all the time. Please prevent me from telling the secret service that he is an enemy of the state who must be waterboarded. Please let him laugh at my jokes more and appreciate me and not give me more flak about the war and Halliburton. Also please help him to protect me from criticism that does no one good at all. Amen.
PRESIDENT Well, youve got a movie to go to.
CHENEY Oh, right. I mean unless youd rather I stay here. I can go to a movie another night.
PRESIDENT Oh, whichever.
CHENEY Maybe Ill go back to my office and think up more ways to silence your critics.
PRESIDENT Oh, yes. That might be good. But whatever you want, really. No pressure. I just want whats best for the country.
CHENEY Yes, the country.