Wednesday, October 11, 2006

first draft of scene from new play

(Back in the White House the PRESIDENT and CHENEY)

PRESIDENT What are you doing tonight, Cheney?

CHENEY Well, me and the wife and Halliburton were gonna go out and catch that new superhero film. That OK?

PRESIDENT Sure sure.

CHENEY You’ll be OK in the White House without me for a couple hours?

PRESIDENT Oh, sure. Sure. You know last night Halliburton and I were having a beer and he said the darnest thing. Oh, I shouldn’t tell you. Oh, you’d hate this. Oh, I gotta tell you. Promise to laugh. You got to promise to laugh.


PRESIDENT You promise?

CHENEY I promise.

PRESIDENT He said you look like the stay puff marshmallow man. That’s what he said. Heh heh.

CHENEY Ha Ha. I will shoot him in the face. I will blast him the fuck away, that fucking bastard who does he think he is?

PRESIDENT Now, don’t get upset. Take a breath.

CHENEY I’m breathing.

PRESIDENT You promised you would laugh.

CHENEY I’m laughing.

PRESIDENT You’re turning red.

CHENEY I’m OK. I’m fine. It’s sorta funny.

PRESIDENT Yeah, right?

CHENEY Anyway, I can’t stay mad at Halliburton.

PRESIDENT No. No, no one can.

CHENEY Listen, I know that the American people have been kind of down on you because of the war and all.

PRESIDENT They have been.

CHENEY And I know that’s hard.


CHENEY But we know we’re doing the right thing. I know it and you know it and Halliburton knows it and history will show that this is the right war at the right time.

PRESDIENT I know. It’s just so hard. Everyone is so critical. I’m not used to all this public criticism.

CHENEY Yes, mostly we’ve managed to shield you from it.

PRESIDENT Let’s do that again some more. I just don’t like all the talk.

CHENEY No one does. Listen, I know there’s a lot of pressure to pull out of Iraq. Let me be honest with you, Halliburton wanted me to talk to you.

PRESIDENT About what?

CHENEY He just wants to make sure you’ll stay strong.

PRESIDENT He doesn’t have to worry about me.

CHENEY That’s good to hear.

PRESIDENT Let’s pray a minute.

CHENEY Well, I should be going.



PRESIDENT Dear God, Sweet baby Jesus. Please give us the strength to continue this most important war. Please be with our soldiers as they are bombed on the side of the road and blown into smithereens. Please ride beside them. And please let the American people know that you stand beside me. Maybe you could give them a disease. Heh heh. Those bastards. We’ll show them. And please fill me with your mercy so I can stop hating Cheney all the time. Please prevent me from telling the secret service that he is an enemy of the state who must be waterboarded. Please let him laugh at my jokes more and appreciate me and not give me more flak about the war and Halliburton. Also please help him to protect me from criticism that does no one good at all. Amen.


PRESIDENT Well, you’ve got a movie to go to.

CHENEY Oh, right. I mean unless you’d rather I stay here. I can go to a movie another night.

PRESIDENT Oh, whichever.

CHENEY Maybe I’ll go back to my office and think up more ways to silence your critics.

PRESIDENT Oh, yes. That might be good. But whatever you want, really. No pressure. I just want what’s best for the country.

CHENEY Yes, the country.


Anonymous said...

Better than Stuff Happens.

Adam said...

Thanks, anonymous. you say the nicest things.

anonymous 2 said...

gotta be honest -- while I agree with you 1000% politically, and am philosophically sympathetic to your aim, from what little I've read (and granted it's still very early in the process) it just seems way too on the proverbial nose to really be funny and biting. feels a little, dare I say, safe, smug, and self-congratulatory. (low-hanging fruit as it were.)

best of luck with it though. seriously. my advice would be to hold nothing back and go further than you may think necessary. be as dangerous and raw as you possibly can. push the envelope of taste and absurdity. (I mean fuck, hasn't this baboon-like administration done that already?) because the simple fact is that while what you're attempting is important, how you execute it is obviously even more so, and can negate the entire endeavor if not careful. please refer to aristophanes, shaw, jarry, ionesco, dr. strangelove, network, south park, the chappelle show and arrested development as successful examples of this (pointed political satire.) NOT the wack-ass plays of mac wellman and/or american dreamz.

so that's my two cents, and lest this comment be misinterpreted, is not meant disrespectfully at all. (sorry if I sound harsh/like a dick.) keep fighting the good fight, adam. and remember, no one likes to be preached to -- not by christians, not by playwrights (and certainly not by aaron sorkin.)

anonymous 2 said...

oh, and of course the daily show. which IMHO does this WAY better than colbert.

anonymous 2 said...

though colbert's correspondents dinner schtick should earn him, if not a nobel prize, certainly the mark twain.

ok. I'm done.

Floyd said...

I also found it safe, smug, and self-congratulatory but that's what I like best about it. Congratulations!!! LOL!! I also found it asinine, repugnant, slow witted, derivative, egotistical and anti-semetic. Agian, this is not to say I didn't like it?

My advice would be to write a smiliar scene except between a cow and a gang of cats instead of Cheney and Bush.

Do you know Animal House or Animal Farm? Like that. Also like Happy Days (the show, not the Beckettt play) and Maverick. and Different Strokes.

Keep going but maybe do it in verse!!! Best of Luck!! You'll need it ! HA! LOL!!

Adam said...

I will think about what you have both said. hmmm.

I wonder if I should continue putting scenes online while still in the middle of a process.

anonymous 2 said...


did I offend you or are you just a fucking jerkoff? seems like both. not that I really care either way, just curious what your problem is. (though I admit, reluctantly, how you made fun of me was kind of funny. but still, go fuck yourself.)

Adam said...

Floyd's a jerkoff. Don't mind him. Not that I don't love you Floyd, but you are kind of a jerkoff, aren't you?

Anonymous said...

Take some advice from someone who's been down this road:


He seems like a big joke and it's easy, on the surface, to laugh him off, but I don't think we'll be rid of him any time soon.

Kind of like... well... I'll let you make the political satire.

RB Ripley said...

looking forward to reading the whole thing, at once, beginning to end.