Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I was really down yesterday.  I was like this is pointless.  What am i doing with my life, how can I keep doing this, why am I so poor, why do I deal with this uncomfortably crowded long commute each day?  Why am I still writing if I'm not getting anywhere?  Do i even know how to write a screenplay?  Is it a waste of my time?  How will i afford a wedding?  Will i ever be taken seriously as a playwright by the larger theatres?
 
But today I am much more optimistic and i don't feel that way at all.  I like what i wrote this morning.  I think my fringe play will go well.  I got some other stuff coming up.  I can do this.   Good thing I didn't blog about this yesterday, huh?  then you would know I have doubts about the sustainability of my life and writing career.
 
But we dodged that bullet.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jethro and I were talking about this exact thing last night. It's good to put doubts out there. It lets other people know that you're human. It helps them and you. Honesty is a good thing.

It's natural to have doubts (don't I know it!) And a writing career is sustainable. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, that was me, Laura from Gasp. For some reason, the ID stuff didn't come up. Guess I'll have to be anonymous again.

Adam said...

Thanks, l.

mbh said...

"Why am I still writing if I'm not getting anywhere?"

Ah the key question in my life...

I don't have an answer other than I write for me, but that's not going to get me produced.

Glad to see you and Laura have the same issue. Nice to know others have the same doubts, same questions, and still write.

:))

Adam said...

yeah, i have to go back to the place where I'm writing for me solely and don't think about venues or what people liked about other plays of mine. I most enjoy just writing for me, and most of the time I get to that place and i love it and then the other stuff makes me miserable. the whole killing myself to get the plays up or what have you.

Laura said...

Why write? As a reviewer, I've learned that my writing can help others. I used to steer clear of the "arts as social services" model. I still don't buy the "let's help everyone" thing. But I also know that my writing has an effect on others. It may only be a handful... But that's still having an effect.

Think about it. Voicing your doubts honestly is probably helping someone. And that person may not leave a comment on your blog.

Adam said...

Laura, I know you are right. Because everyone has doubts but we sometimes think some people don't. And it's good to remember that everyone does. The only think I don't like about putting them out there is that I don't want to appear unprofessional or weak or what have you. My ego is huge and I know a lot of times, confidence helps a great deal. Showing that I sometimes lack confidence is not the path towards glory. But, as you see, I know that's a fucked up way to think too and have disregarded it.

Laura said...

I wrote an entry on confidence last night for this morning's post. I had the exact same discussion with Jethro. It's hard because we're all supposed to be professional. So it's professional versus being human.

I chose being human for this morning. Who knows what I'll choose next time? Heh.

mbh said...

Lack confidence?

LOL

I think you are showing great strength in admitting you have doubts and still wake up the next day and write.

Now THAT's confidence.

Adam said...

honestly, mbh (and I'll continue to call you mbh until you tell me your name), I feel worse if I don't write. It's kind of an addiction. I'm on edge if I'm not working on something for a while and it's worse if I am working on something and I am behind on where I think I should be.

mbh said...

Laura/Adam...

The fear of not looking professional strikes me as a way of life in the past twenty years. Then again, it may be my naive nature.

The best characters are flawed, have doubts, have fears, and we love watching them on-stage.

But how come we aren't allowed the same humaness in life?

Then again, maybe that's why we love writing characters like that, because it allows us permission to fear and doubt?

No idea.

Back to the third scene in my new play...

Enrique said...

I think we all feel that at some level. Even writers who have a level of success whom I've talked to have it, albeit in a different sort of way. It's natural and healthy, I would argue. I think that's what pushes you to be bold in your writing, rather than pandering to the boring tastes of what passes for good theatre today.

If it helps, I've always admired you, your work, and especially your productivity. I feel like a lazy ass compared to you.

Adam said...

Thanks, E! Still no packages here. Hope you're enjoying Montreal!

We'll find a way to keep theater from being boring.

You know what I think it is, Michael? I think I don't want to be thought a loser. There is emphasis still on a certain buzz and I guess if you put all your cards on the table instead of being aloof and beautiful, you lose that buzz.

Malachy Walsh said...

Hey, feel it, say it.

We all - obviously - know what you're talking about.

I'm sure the guy on the tightrope thinks at least once in his walk, fuck, I'll never make it.

But he goes on anyway.

Just like a good Beckett character.

Which would be us.

Adam said...

Malachy, You gave me an idea for a quiz: What Beckett Character Would You Be. Wait for it. It'll be flying around the internets soon.

Dan said...

This is me these days.

Adam said...

cheer up Dan. Unless the depression fuels your writing. the God of unwritting plays is calling to you and will infect your dreams.

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