Monday, August 06, 2007

I never go to the Fall Cafe

7/27/07
Today I will do it. I will just walk through the door. Past all the
people with their haircuts and flip flops and laptops. I will march
to the counter and I will say, "Please sir. I would like a coffee
please and maybe a bagel." And then I will pay for it and there will
be an empty fluffy chair by the window perhaps and I will sit down and
I will take out my notebook and I will seem smart as I doodle and
sesame seeds will fall off the bagel and into the notebook crack.

7/28/07
I tried to go in. I tried. Instead of walking by, I stopped and then
I reached out my hand to open the door but it burned my hand. I
screamed out, "Don't touch it, " when a girl in a tank top with
microbraids reached for the handle but she opened it and entered
without any trouble and without a look in my direction. So I reached
out my hand again, but before I touched it even there was a searing
pain and the smell of flesh. Who knew my burning flesh would smell
like lamb? So I took off my shirt and wrapped it around my hand but
it made no difference. So I went home to run cold water over my
cooked hand. I'll try again tomorrow.

7/29/07
Today I stood outside the Fall Cafe for a good ten, fifteen, twenty
minutes watching people walk in and out. And then I thought, well
maybe the next time someone opens the door, I could just sneak in
behind them before the door closes. So I waited. A slouchy guy with
hair over his eyes came by after not too long and opened the door. I
had one foot in the door behind him when everything went black. I
woke up on the sidewalk. Two hours had passed. I got up, and went
home and drank some tea. I guess I won't go to the Fall Cafe.

16 comments:

parabasis said...

(1) I mean this as no comment on the artisty of the post, which made me laugh so hard that the Robot Coffee i'm drinking almost came out of my nose

(2) The Fall Cafe isn't worth the energy or stress. The coffee is bad, the wifi unreliable and the owner is a crazy old coot who sits in a corner ranting about GWB to anyone who'll listen. Loudly. I'd recommend Boerum Hill Food Company (although that's pretty far away from you) or Gorilla.

Adam said...

what is robot coffee?

Paul Rekk said...

Oil? Battery acid? Antifreeze?

I give up, Szymkowicz, what kinda scam you runnin' here?

Adam said...

isaac is the one drinking it. not me. ask him.

Anonymous said...

Dude--

Go to the Pillow Cafe in Clinton Hill (Myrtle Ave) and stop kvetching.

Gleason

Adam said...

Gleason, do they have robot coffee? What is kvetching? Is it like havering?

frank's wild lunch said...

This post is too New York. I can't relate.

I think I'm going to go to The Coffee Table in Silver Lake and work on my new screenplay.

Adam said...

I think it's actually too Brooklyn. It's all a part of my plan to make the theatrospere more NYcentric.

parabasis said...

Adam,

Robot Coffee is the coffee made by the Flavia machine that seems to be omnipresent whereever I temp. I call it "robot coffee". You insert this weird pod thing andout comes coffee.

Adam said...

oh, we have that here too. I don't drink coffee but no one here loves the coffee that comes from this process.

Anonymous said...

Adam--

Does Robot Coffee have oil and gizmos in it?

Wait-you live in Brooklyn and don't know what Kvetching is?
Kvetching is the yiddish word for blog: it means complaining.

What the heck is havering?
Gleason

Adam said...

I don't know what's in it Gleason but I want nothing to do with it.

I live in Italian brooklyn.

Haver is Scottish for Kvetch.

Anonymous said...

Jesus Adam, Italians/Jews-same thing!

Gleason

Adam said...

Jews don't have statues of the virgin mary on their front lawns. usually.

Anonymous said...

Adam-

I have an E.T. doll in my bathroom.
Wasn't E.T. a Jesus parable?

Gleason

Adam said...

If you have to ask...you might be a jew.

(This is from my new comedy show, you might be a jew)