a Christmas song for you

**warning: explicit content. may not be appropriate for people like my relatives who might decide to read my blog right before xmas. end of warning** I gave my heart to Jesus When I was just thirteen He was the sweetest deity I had ever seen He gave his soul to save us He gave his life to God But when I think of Jesus I don’t think of his bod I think of someone jolly I think of someone bright Someone who watches me In the middle of the night Someone a little husky and a trifle overfed Someone who gulps milk And gingerman bread Someone unshaven Who's always in red That’s the man I’m cravin’ In my Christmas bed Cause, I want to f*ck Saint Nick I want to suck on that candy cane dick Is it nice, naughty, or against the laws I don’t care I want to f*ck Santa Claus Another office party Halls all decked with cheer Mistletoe and presents “What do you want this year” After three more cups I’ll f*ck whoever’s here Peter from accounting Is who I’ll be mounting Josh from shipping and receiving Is asking when I’m leaving Andrew from HR Is going to get his car Michael the VP wants to give me a VD But they’re all a bunch of cretins, louts, and dopes I want someone else to show me the ropes You know what I want for Christmas I want to f*ck Saint Nick I want to suck on that candy cane dick Is it nice, naughty, or against the laws I don’t care I want to f*ck Santa Claus I’m getting kind of itchy The hour’s fast approaching It’s the night before Christmas I could use some coaching Would Santa like leather? Would he prefer lace? When he comes down the chimney Should I just sit on his face? Do I need to knock off his old lady? Just in case I’m hanging round the chimney With a smile on my face I want to f*ck Saint Nick I want to suck on that candy cane dick Is it nice, naughty, or against the laws I don’t care I want to f*ck Santa Claus