I just came back from Bennington College in Vermont where I had a reading of Incendiary with the LAByrinth folks. It went extraordinarily well. It was an amazing cast and they fed off the audience and the whole thing was a love fest. I'm still buzzing off it. All the readings of this play have gone well, but this one especially so. It's one of those things where I know it works. I'm just waiting for a theater to realize it and put it up.
So now I'm back and I need to pack up the apartment and get ready to pitch my pilot. So that's what I'll be up to.
Here is a monologue for you (with bonus song) that may or may not be in a new play:
SANDY
Hello everyone. Thank you for this interview. I am a traditional girl. I believe in the separation of church and state. I am a strong believer in fair treatment for everyone and a workplace free from sexual harassment and all other kinds of harassment. I think harassment has no place in the workplace. Or anywhere else actually.
There are times when you can’t stop harassment in life, but we think of a workplace as a utopia of sorts, even our workplace, so we think harassment can be stopped. Identified and stopped. Really the identifying is the problem. One person’s harassment is another person’s good time.
But the bigger problem is, I think, a lack of respect. When people are ignored or talked down to or looked down on by other people those people become unhappy and it leads to a non-productive environment for everyone. It makes everyone assholes. The people who don’t respect the other people are assholes and then the people who are treated badly become assholes to the original assholes in response to the assholic treatment they receive.
For that reason I come here today not to get this job but to get Eric fired. Eric is an asshole. Like the biggest asshole around. You may not know that but it’s true. He yells at me for things I have nothing to do with and then doesn’t apologize when he’s wrong. He tries to foist off his work on me and then when I complain, Elizabeth tells me to just do it. Well, that won’t happen anymore, because Elizabeth got away from him but that doesn’t change the fact that Eric is a big asshole and you need to recognize that and fire him.
In addition, because I have you here and you’re a captive audience, I would like to take this opportunity to sing you a song. Up until now, I have been to scared to get in front of people and sing, even though deep down I think I’m talented. I figure I can do it now and then if it goes badly, it’s no big deal. This is a song I wrote when I was commuting to work. It’s called commuting to work.
Commuting to Work
SOMETIMES I’LL LOOK UP
AND I’LL SEE A FRIENDLY FACE
IT MIGHT BE A HOOK UP
IF WE WERE IN ANOTHER PLACE
BUT WE’RE ON THE TRAIN
UNDERGROUND
THIS LIFE IS A DRAIN
ALL AROUND
OH, WE’RE ON THE TRAIN
I FEEL I’M GOING TO DROWN
COMMUTING TO WORK
ERIC IS A JERK
COMMUTING TO WORK
SOMETIMES I FEEL ALARMED
WHAT’S THAT DIGGING INTO ME
IS THAT YOUR ARM
TELL ME IT’S YOUR KEYS
OH WE’RE ON THE TRAIN
UNDERGROUND
THIS LIFE IS A DRAIN
ALL AROUND
OH, WE’RE ON THE TRAIN
I FEEL I’M GOING TO DROWN
SOMETIMES I CAN’T BREATHE
IT SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING DIED
IS THAT A DISEASE?
ARE YOU EATING SOMETHING FRIED
BUT WE’RE ON THE TRAIN
UNDERGROUND
THIS LIFE IS A DRAIN
ALL AROUND
OH, WE’RE ON THE TRAIN
I FEEL I’M GOING TO DROWN
COMMUTING TO WORK
ERIC IS A JERK
COMMUTING TO WORK
Thanks for listening. You guys have been great. Give me the job. Fire Eric. Thanks a lot!
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