(Alice looks through a microscope. FRED enters wearing a labcoat. He probably has a moustache.) FRED Hi Alice.
ALICE (not looking up) Fred. FRED What are ya looking at? ALICE My sister’s husband. FRED Is this your current project? ALICE (Coming up from the microscope.) What can I do for you, Fred? FRED Well, I was thinking—are you, um . . .. I was going to eat something tonight and maybe drink and I thought if you weren’t doing anything . . . ALICE I’m sorry Fred but I already have a date tonight, but if you want to add your name to the chalkboard of suitors on the wall, I may be able to fit you in sometime next month. FRED (looking at chalkboard.) That would be— ALICE I mean if you’re serious. FRED There’s a lot of names. ALICE If you’re not serious— FRED Oh, I am. There’s just something about you. ALICE What you speak of, I think, Fred is a coldness I have managed to cultivate towards the majority of men. Because I give off the air of not caring about you and because I speak to you and others brusquely, because I am short and dismissive with you, you think there must be something about me. I get many dates because of this. Perhaps you think I am like this all the time, but I am not. It disappears when I go home. It is not anything true. Because when I go home I am under a different spell. Not unlike the way you are under mine. Do you understand? FRED I think I love you. ALICE All right, well, add your name to the chalkboard and leave me a sample of your genetic material and we’ll see what comes of it. I promise not to erase your name prematurely. FRED Thank you. ALICE Now please go. I have to look at this some more. FRED Thank you. (Exit FRED. ALICE goes back to her microscope.)