scene from my comedy cowboy version of hamlet--draft

(In the saloon, PAUL, AMELIA and COWGIRL) PAUL They say he’s gone crazy. No one knows why. Did you do this? AMELIA What? PAUL Make him crazy? COWGIRL Mens is all crazy from the get go. Aint no woman ever drove a man to craziness that wasn’t already headin’ there hisself. PAUL Shh. He’s coming. (Enter HERBIE.) HERBIE Amelia. AMELIA Herbie. HERBIE Your skin, it’s so smooth and breakable like fine china. Take it off. AMELIA What? HERBIE Take off your skin. For me. Do it for me. I want to see you for how you really are. AMELIA But— HERBIE The real you. Why do you hesitate? AMELIA But I can’t— HERBIE You don’t love me. You never loved me. Get away from me. AMELIA No. No. I’ll do it. I’ll take off my skin for you. HERBIE Too little, too late. (To PAUL) I want to buy a gun. PAUL Uh. . . HERBIE You said you wanted to sell me a gun. PAUL Sure sure. It’s just that there’s a waiting period. HERBIE I don’t know nothing about no waiting period. Sell me a gun. PAUL I really— HERBIE Sell me a gun! PAUL (Opening a case. Taking out a pistol.) Um sure um. How’s this? (STAN appears or Paul becomes Stan if it’s a smaller cast. HERBIE looks at the gun in his hand.) STAN Feels good in your hand, don’t it? HERBIE Shut up. Shut up! (STAN disappears. Everyone stares at HERBIE.) HERBIE Yeah, this one will do fine. (HERBIE straps on the gun and exits.) AMELIA Wait. Wait. Cut off my skin. I’ll cut off all my skin for you. (AMELIA tries to cut off her skin with a knife. COWGIRL takes it away from her and slaps her.)