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1100 Playwright Interviews
1100 Playwright Interviews A Sean Abley Rob Ackerman E.E. Adams Johnna Adams Liz Duffy Adams Tony Adams David Adjmi Keith Josef Adkins Nicc...
Oct 22, 2006
scene from new play--first draft as always
(Back at the White House, CHENEY watches the PRESIDENT
playing with the puppets.)
PRESIDENT
Oh, Mr. President, you’re so smart and funny. Thank
you. You’re also such a talented artist. Thank you.
What is that? A tree? It’s a giraffe. You like it
though? I love it. And I know a lot about art. I am
an art specialist. Oh, you are? Yes I am. I would
like to have sex with you. Oh, my. But I have a wife
who I love. But I really want to have sex with you.
It’s one of the ten commandments. I’m sorry I just
can’t. Oh, I’m so disappointed.
CHENEY
Mr. President, can I talk to you for a minute?
PRESIDENT
Can’t you see I’m busy? I’m making plans. I’ve got a
lot of planning to do, planning various things. Lots
to do here in the White House.
CHENEY
I know, sir. It’s just . . .
PRESIDENT
Not, now, Cheney.
CHENEY
Ok, sir, I’ll talk to you later.
(CHENEY does not move.)
PRESIDENT
(tries to go back to playing with puppets but there is
no joy in it.)
See now I can’t concentrate.
CHENEY
Sorry, sir.
PRESIDENT
Why did you have to interrupt. You saw I was working,
didn’t you?
CHENEY
I’m sorry, sir.
PRESIDENT
All right, what was it you wanted?
CHENEY
It’s just, well I’m not sure how’ll you’ll take this.
PRESIDENT
I don’t want to hear any more about any polls.
CHENEY
No, it’s not that sir. It’s these feelings that I’m
having.
PRESIDENT
Don’t ever trust your feelings. You feelings will
lead you to do stupid things that are often not in
your best interest. Have you ever read The Prince?
CHEENY
No.
PRESIDENT
Well, me either but it’s on my reading list.
CHENEY
I wanted to tell you.
PRESIDENT
What?
CHENEY
That I admire you.
PRESIDENT
Well, of course you admire me. I’m your president.
CHENEY
No, I really admire you and I think about you a lot.
PRESIDENT
Well, I think about you too.
CHENEY
No, like a whole lot.
PRESIDENT
As you should.
CHENEY
But I dream about you. I think about you when I’m
having relations with the wife. I day dream about you
when you’re not in the room, wanting and wishing that
you would come in the room so I can be near your
magnetic energy.
PRESIDENT
Do you think about my paintings?
CHENEY
Not really.
PRESIDENT
I’m done with this conversation.
CHENEY
Well, sometimes I imagine that you ask me to pose for
you and you say why don’t we try it without the shirt
and so I take off the shirt and then you say maybe you
should take off those pants too. They look
uncomfortable and you know, they are so I take them
off and then you say maybe without the boxers too and
so there I am in my black socks completely naked,
exposed in front of you.
PRESIDENT
Maybe I should paint you.
CHENEY
You should?
PRESIDENT
My problem is that I can’t paint people. I don’t
understand or care about people really and it makes it
hard to paint them. They all look the same like
puppets. Identical puppets or at least that is what
my critics say. But I want to understand people, I
do. Especially if it will make me a better artist.
All I want is to be alone in my room with my paints
but I can’t do that I have all these obligations—I
never would have even thought of trying to be
president either if I had only been able to sell a
painting. no one wanted one, not even mother. And
all the other businesses I ran were failing terribly,
probably because I was drunk all the time, so I
thought well if all else fails at least I can become
president. And that might not be so very bad. But
what I really want is to be a famous painter. They
would look at them, everyone would and they would see
amazing things and they would say “look at that.”
“Look at how well he understands the human condition”
and “wow! The things he is saying with his art.”
“Wowee, what a brilliant genius.” “the New York Times
calls the President a brilliant genius.” It’s about
freakin time that paper starts being fair to me. The
next painting. Once they see the next painting they
will have to accept me. The polls will shoot up and
everyone will see. They will see that I understand
people and the plight of the person. Humanity. I
can’t paint people.
CHENEY
You can paint me, Mr. President.
PRESIDENT
Yeah? Hmm. Well, maybe I should be painting someone
more attractive though. Don’t you think?
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2 comments:
PRESIDENT
Do you think about my paintings?
CHENEY
Not really.
PRESIDENT
I’m done with this conversation.
ah yes, more good stuff!
Thanks, Rob.
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