Monday, December 18, 2006

an email i received today (really)

Dear Mr. Szymkowicz,

Hello! I am the Director of Public Relations at the
Church of Scientology of New York.

Since the 2004 grand opening of our newly renovated
building, we have had tremendous amounts of students
entering our building searching for the answer to the
question "What is Scientology?" Our team in the
Introductory Services department is responsible for
acquainting people with basic information on
Scientology and Dianetics. With a variety of simple
brochures, pamphlets, short videos, and information
panels, this team is easily able to explain the
different aspects of Scientology. However, there are
still many more students throughout New York, New
Jersey, etc. that have this question and perhaps, have
been unable to get it answered.

For this reason, I would like to invite you, your
students, and co-workers for a tour of the Church of
Scientology of New York . I can show you the
following: facilities that deliver different types of
life improvement services, information panels that
display a thorough and clear explanation of what this
religion is, and our most recent campaigns that help
solve social and cultural problems. In addition, I
would be happy to answer any questions you may have.

I am available to tour Monday through Friday, from 9
a.m. to 6 p.m. each day. I would be pleased to have
small or large crowds so feel free to pass this
invitation on to anyone who is interested in finding
more about Scientology.

Please call me at (xxxxxxx), extension xxx or e-mail
me at so that we can schedule an
appointment at your convenience.

I look forward to hearing from you and can promise you
in advance - you will be amazed as to how much we
really do here at the Church!


Director of Public Relations
Church of Scientology New York
xxx West xxth Street
New York, NY xxxxx


Jamespeak said...

Well, you absolutely have to go now.

Jason Grote said...


Maybe they're hoping you'll write a pro-Scientology play to complete with A VERY MERRY UNAUTHORIZED SCIENTOLOGY PAGEANT or Mike Daisey's L.R on Hubbard show.

Adam said...

What would a pro scientology play look like? You might have to start by hynotizing the audience. I bet Tom Cruise would be in it. It would sell like hotcakes. why haven;t they taken over broadway? probably no money in theatre.

D said...

Have you seen the Pageant? I want to see it soon - lemme know if you'd care to join me.

hpmelon said...

Go. You have to go. If I was there I would go. In a heartbeat. Go. Then report back to me. I want to hear everything.