Tuesday, February 20, 2007

on jealousy

Malachy wrote a post about jealousy and used me as an
example so I feel like I have to say something about
it. Maybe I don't.


It puts me in mind of Jason's post a while back.


It's hard to be working in a field where there are so
few opportunities and not feel this at one time or
another. The trick is not letting it take over. But
we're all struggling with this. There is always
someone doing better. There are even people who make
a living at this I hear (not really). But yeah, It
would be nice to get a comission or two or a
two-picture deal (as a friend of mine recently got).
It would be nice to not have to work a full time job.
It would be nice to see my work produced regularly all
over the country.

And I have to admit I feel the jealousy less
frequently these days but then I'll feel that twinge
when my friend gets into something I wanted to get
into or gets the attention of someone whose attention
I want. And I have to remind myself again that we all
have our own journeys in this and that comparing my
journey to your journey doesn't make sense. We didn't
come from the same place. We're not making the same
art. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they
don't and when it comes down to it no one really knows

I hope that wasn't annoying.


P'tit Boo said...

it wasn't annoying. :)

at the risk of being annoying myself, i'll add this thought : it's not even that things work out or don't work out. things are just as they should be. things are what they are. perfect at all times.

i know it's a stretch and maybe too buddhist of me but man, do i love that idea. i have a hard time accepting that truth but once in a while, i get a glimpse that it's true and it's very liberating.

malachy walsh said...

Amen, dude.

Jason Grote said...

Hey Adam!

Thanks for the link - actually, I think my own big anxiety is not so much about getting/not getting opportunities as a playwright (though I do feel that at times, as I'm sure we all do) so much as a sinking feeling that the party is happening without me, and that I'll spend my life on the outside of the good time.

This is a totally irrational holdover from adolescence, as nowadays my idea of a good time is eating a cupcake and curling up with a Netflix movie. If I'm feeling really nutty I'll fill the humidifier.

Adam said...

cool. I'll invite you over the next time i fill the humidifier.