first draft of scene from new play

(Back in the White House the PRESIDENT and CHENEY)

PRESIDENT What are you doing tonight, Cheney?

CHENEY Well, me and the wife and Halliburton were gonna go out and catch that new superhero film. That OK?

PRESIDENT Sure sure.

CHENEY You’ll be OK in the White House without me for a couple hours?

PRESIDENT Oh, sure. Sure. You know last night Halliburton and I were having a beer and he said the darnest thing. Oh, I shouldn’t tell you. Oh, you’d hate this. Oh, I gotta tell you. Promise to laugh. You got to promise to laugh.

CHENEY OK.

PRESIDENT You promise?

CHENEY I promise.

PRESIDENT He said you look like the stay puff marshmallow man. That’s what he said. Heh heh.

CHENEY Ha Ha. I will shoot him in the face. I will blast him the fuck away, that fucking bastard who does he think he is?

PRESIDENT Now, don’t get upset. Take a breath.

CHENEY I’m breathing.

PRESIDENT You promised you would laugh.

CHENEY I’m laughing.

PRESIDENT You’re turning red.

CHENEY I’m OK. I’m fine. It’s sorta funny.

PRESIDENT Yeah, right?

CHENEY Anyway, I can’t stay mad at Halliburton.

PRESIDENT No. No, no one can.

CHENEY Listen, I know that the American people have been kind of down on you because of the war and all.

PRESIDENT They have been.

CHENEY And I know that’s hard.

PRESIDENT It is.

CHENEY But we know we’re doing the right thing. I know it and you know it and Halliburton knows it and history will show that this is the right war at the right time.

PRESDIENT I know. It’s just so hard. Everyone is so critical. I’m not used to all this public criticism.

CHENEY Yes, mostly we’ve managed to shield you from it.

PRESIDENT Let’s do that again some more. I just don’t like all the talk.

CHENEY No one does. Listen, I know there’s a lot of pressure to pull out of Iraq. Let me be honest with you, Halliburton wanted me to talk to you.

PRESIDENT About what?

CHENEY He just wants to make sure you’ll stay strong.

PRESIDENT He doesn’t have to worry about me.

CHENEY That’s good to hear.

PRESIDENT Let’s pray a minute.

CHENEY Well, I should be going.

PRESIDENT PRAY!

CHENEY Ok, OK.

PRESIDENT Dear God, Sweet baby Jesus. Please give us the strength to continue this most important war. Please be with our soldiers as they are bombed on the side of the road and blown into smithereens. Please ride beside them. And please let the American people know that you stand beside me. Maybe you could give them a disease. Heh heh. Those bastards. We’ll show them. And please fill me with your mercy so I can stop hating Cheney all the time. Please prevent me from telling the secret service that he is an enemy of the state who must be waterboarded. Please let him laugh at my jokes more and appreciate me and not give me more flak about the war and Halliburton. Also please help him to protect me from criticism that does no one good at all. Amen.

CHENEY Amen.

PRESIDENT Well, you’ve got a movie to go to.

CHENEY Oh, right. I mean unless you’d rather I stay here. I can go to a movie another night.

PRESIDENT Oh, whichever.

CHENEY Maybe I’ll go back to my office and think up more ways to silence your critics.

PRESIDENT Oh, yes. That might be good. But whatever you want, really. No pressure. I just want what’s best for the country.

CHENEY Yes, the country.

I have noticed lately that my full lenghts seem to be loosely based on 10 min plays I wrote 2, 3, 4, 5 years ago. I wrote a cowboy comedy 10 min play and then I wrote a full length cowboy comedy hamlet. I wrote a 10 min film noir comedy and then more recently I wrote a full length film noir and now I seem to be writing a version of my 10 min play America At War. I'll let you know how it goes.

ny times

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/10/world/asia/10assess.html?hp&ex=1160539200&en=4476571b6d74d04a&ei=5094&partner=homepage

"Mr. Bush and his aides contend that Iraq was the more urgent threat, in a volatile neighborhood. But the North’s reported nuclear test now raises the question of whether it is too late for the president to make good on his promise that he would never let the world’s “worst dictators” obtain the world’s most dangerous weapons. "

Thanks to Mike Daisey for pointing this out. The Daily show is the reason I got cable. Check this article out.

http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20061004-7908.html

The Daily Show is as substantive as the "real" news 10/4/2006 4:36:32 PM, by Eric Bangeman

The Daily Show is much funnier than traditional newscasts, but a new study from Indiana University says it has the same amount of meat on its bones when it comes to coverage of the news. The brand of news coverage Jon Stewart and the rest of The Daily Show's staff brings to the airwaves is just as substantive as traditional news programs like World News Tonight and the CBS Evening News, according to the study conducted by IU assistant professor of telecommunications Julia R. Fox and a couple of graduate students.

http://www.progressive.org/mag_mc100406

"But the Secret Service did not take kindly to his comment.“About ten minutes later, I came back through the mall with my eight-year-old son in tow,” Howards recalls, “and this Secret Service man came out of the shadows, and his exact words were, ‘Did you assault the Vice President?’ ”

Here’s how Howards says he responded: “No, but I did tell Mr. Cheney the way I felt about the war in Iraq, and if Mr. Cheney wants to be shielded from public criticism, he should avoid public places. If exercising my constitutional rights to free speech is against the law, then you should arrest me.”

Which is just what the agent, Virgil D. “Gus” Reichle Jr, proceeded to do."

Looks like these folks will be doing my play Pretty Theft in April.

http://www.outsiders-inn.com/

And if all goes well, I could possibly have two other plays in Los Angeles at the same time this winter.

The Sandbox:

http://gocomics.typepad.com/the_sandbox/

Words from Military in Afghanistan and Iraq

if you're just tuning in, for the context for the below post, read the posts below the below post.

Dear Students,

We are pleased to tell you that after conversations with representatives from the O'Neill Playwrights Conference, including Wendy Goldberg, the artistic director of the Playwrights Conference and a board member, we have their assurance that they will not this year, or in the future, be asking for a percentage of future royalties from the plays they accept for development. They are looking for other sources of funding, but those monies will not come from your subsidiary rights. Any issue like this can be complicated, and there may have been miscommunications on all sides, nevertheless we're grateful to receive these assurances from the board and the artistic director Wendy Goldberg. So it is with great relief and happiness we once again encourage you to submit your application to the valuable O'Neill Playwrights Conference. You should also know they have extended their deadline for submission until October 23 (postmarked). If you sent out a copy of our previous email, please send out a copy of this one to the same people. We're happy to be sending good news. Sincerely yours,

Chris and Marsha 10/07/06

O'Neill Update

I have heard from multiple sources that the O'Neill is not asking for sub rights.

As Jason Grote said in the comments of the previous post, "I've been told by Wendy Goldberg that this is not true - that this was briefly on the table in May 2006 but then quickly pulled. Whether one believes that version of events - or that it was pulled in response to this outcry - it's no longer the policy at the O'Neill."

an Email I received

Dear Juilliard Mafia,

We are writing to warn you about a development at the O'Neill Playwrights Festival, a situation so serious that we can no longer recommend that you send your scripts there, and hope to discourage you from mentoring or assisting them in any way. The problem is this - from now on, the O'Neill Board is determined to demand a percentage of the playwright's subsidiary income IN PERPETUITY from any play accepted for presentation at the O'Neill. This means that for four

days of rehearsal, and a presentation with actors using scripts, you will owe them a permanent percentage of your income from that play. This is so patently unfair, and so clearly against their own mission statement, that we can only assume they have lost their minds, or perhaps decided to think of themselves as commercial producers instead of the generous, helpful organization they used to be, devoted to playwrights and their work.

They tried to demand this participation from two writers this summer, but were thwarted by efforts by the Dramatists Guild, and the agent for two of the writers, John Buzzetti. Both writers said they would

pull their work if this provision was attached and the O'Neill backed down, saying that since no warning was given, it wasn't fair to ask for the percentage. But last month they announced they would be demanding the percentage from the writers whose work was accepted this summer.

We urge you not to submit your scripts to the O'Neill. We urge you to talk to your agents about this, and not participate in any way. We are afraid this is the beginning of the end for an institution we have all admired and cherished. This is part of a disturbing trend in "development" organizations, where playwrights are increasingly expected to pay for their productions, in spite of the fact that those organizations raise money and get grants claiming that they exist to help playwrights. More and more, it's looking like those organizations exist to support themselves, not their writers. In this regard, beware of any contest that charges you more than $15 to apply, because that's about what readers are being paid these days.

Over and over again in class, we urged you to get over feeling grateful, and defend yourself in situations where you sense you are being taken advantage of. So this is just us saying it again. Do not give your work away, and do not pay somebody to produce it, and

do not grant rights that are excessive. Do not encumber your work with percentages to people who think they deserve them just because they recognized you were good.

Please pass this information along to anyone you think could use it. The only way to impress on the O'Neill the insanity of what they are doing, is to deny them the plays that they need. Many of us have tried talking to them, and they are not listening. So we are taking this step, and encouraging all writing teachers in America to contact their students in the same way.

All our best,

Chris Durang and Marsha Norman

free speech?

so here at Columbia, the Minuteman founder was forced off the stage yesterday by protesting students. he was planning to speak against illegal immigration.

These students turned him into a victim. By attacking him physically instead of debating him, they helped him get more media attention and gave him more venues to speak his views, instead of silencing him as they intended.

What is going on? The practices of the current administration are being accepted by the general public--the idea that everyone should not be allowed to say what they want. Just call the media liberal and they will bend over backwards to not tell the "liberal" side of the story. Tell the country they are traitors and unamerican and against God if they dare question your policies. Or just refuse to talk to them unless they ask the easy questions.

Bush surrounds himself with people who will never criticize or question him. He squelches debate by playing the father who knows best. It's hard to debate someone too who won't tell you what's going on, refuses to tell the truth. Clinton lied about sex. Bush's lying brought us into Iraq and thousands and thousands of people have died because of it. He has turned the US into a terrorist country that ignores the Geneva convention and tortures people--people who may or may not even be involved with terrorist networks.

And he wants the power to tap the phones without warrants, and jail anyone including you or me without any proof of wrongdoing or any way for you or I to ever get out of jail, because you can't get a lawyer if you haven't been charged with anything. So you just sit in your foreign jail until they torture you to death.

Meanwhile the terrorist threat is worse because of Iraq. The rest of the world sees our country does not respect human life, that we set a bad example. We are a world power and we are a fucking asshole who refuses to listen to other people's opinions who only responds with violence. Because we know best. Like these Columbia kids.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuNXmy0e5fc

At the end of the video some guy says that republicans would never respond that way. with violence. and this is partially true. They don't have to when they can get the cops and the army to do it for them.

Is it bad that I am considering not entering contests this year because I can't be bothered to write a synopsis of any of my plays?

Thanks to Matt Freeman for locating this online

http://www.playscripts.com/raisethewage/

Raising the minimum wage for playwrights

some useful information

Halloween is coming up and here is some useful information for all those of you who do not want to spend eternity burning in hellfire away from God's love.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/halloween.html

"Will Jesus Sling Little Children Into Hell For Celebrating Halloween? A Word From Our Pastor

Quite frankly, the answer is, absolutely yes! The Bible teaches us that Jesus Christ is very choosy when it comes to picking people to live with Him for eternity. Why else would He refer to His followers as the chosen people if He wasn't choosy? The fact that He initially chose the Jews, who, out of all the folks on the planet, were the ones who winded up killing Him, only underscores that the Lord has learned the hard way that it pays to be even more selective in picking folks to be nice to!"

At the NYTR benefit last night, (not the NYTR benefit) finally got to meet George and MattJ. Also in attendance, Dan, Mac, James, Mark, The Talented Actor Jason Grote, and the Sheila "the Voice" Callaghan and probably a bunch of other people. Thanks to Alexis and Jason for a tremedous job in my little play and thanks to Kip for outstanding direction. Parties like this should happen every night.

see you at the brick tonight.

someday again

I'm going

isaac's post

http://parabasis.typepad.com/blog/2006/10/do_your_part.html

bad news

Thanks to Mike Daisey for this

Legalizing Tyranny

Andrew Sullivan

http://time.blogs.com/daily_dish/2006/09/legalizing_tyra.html

"How do I put this in words as clearly as possible. If the U.S. government decides, for reasons of its own, that you are an "illegal enemy combatant," i.e. that you are someone who

"has engaged in hostilities or who has purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States,"

they can detain you without charges indefinitely, granting you no legal recourse except to a military tribunal, and, under the proposed bill, "disappear" and torture you. This is not just restricted to aliens or foreigners, but applies to U.S. citizens as well. It can happen anywhere in the U.S. at any time. We are all at potential risk."

For the upcoming New York Theatre Review benefit (Oct 2 starting at 8pm at the Brick--seeya there.) I was asked along with some other playwrights to write a 2 minute play on the subject of critics.

Kip Fagan will direct my piece and if all goes well, it will star Jason Grote and Alexis Soloski.

This is the play. Please do come out I think it will be a fun time and fellow bloggers George Hunka and Sheila Callaghan will be in attendance, the latter performing a song. (both of them also having written pieces for the show.)

MIND OF THE CRITIC By Adam Szymkowicz

MELINDA Welcome to the mind of the critic. He sits in his designated seat. He checks to make sure his shoes are tied. He checks his fly to make sure it’s closed. He glances through his press packet.

CRITIC Why did I get stuck reviewing this play?

MELINDA --he thinks. He knows it will be bad. He knows it. Yet he has hope. A tiny glimmer. So small it’s almost not there.

CRITIC Why did I get stuck with this one?

MELINDA He’s trapped. He can’t leave. The play begins.

CRITIC Oh. This could be ok. Oh, ok. It’s fine.

MELINDA Ten minutes in.

CRITIC How long is this play?

MELINDA Thirty minutes in.

CRITIC Is there an intermission? I could leave at intermission.

MELINDA He looks at his program.

CRITIC No intermission.

MELINDA Forty minutes in.

CRITIC Eggs Butter Milk Toilet Paper Orange Juice Frozen Pizza Ummm Eggs

MELINDA Fifty minutes in.

CRITIC Kill me. Please kill me. I want to die. I can’t watch this. I can’t be here one more minute. I want to slash my wrists. I want to disembowel myself with a garden trowel. Pull out my insides. Scrape out my heart. Rip out my lungs from my newly cracked-open chest. I’m going to vomit. This is unbearable. Unconscionable. Stab me. I want to die.

MELINDA Fifty five minutes in.

CRITIC I can’t . . . I can’t . . this is. Oh, God.

MELINDA He has a realization.

CRITIC She doesn’t love me. She never loved me. How could she lie to me all that time? (Pause) Shit! I forgot to call Michael.

MELINDA Sixty-five minutes in. He suddenly sees something. An actress doing something true and painful and sad and funny and terrible and lovely all at once. He looks through his press packet. Who is she? She’s amazing. He is rapt.

CRITIC How are you doing that? Don’t stop. You’re charming. You’re wonderful. You make being alive feel ok.

MELINDA Then she forgets her line. Awkward silence. He wants her to recover. He hurts for her. Another actor tries to cover but fails. They are not making sense anymore. The actress runs off the stage. The Critic is crushed.

CRITIC My girl—

MELINDA The play continues. Or something like the play. The critic sighs, takes notes. Checks to see if his shoes are tied. One hundred and three minutes into the play. The actress returns. She is humbled. She is hunched. She is terrified but says her lines or what the critic assumes her lines are. The critic has a realization. He looks at the actress and sees himself.

CRITIC I love you.

MELINDA And then the play is over. He claps politely. Gathers his notes. Goes home to feed his cats and to write his review.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/24/world/middleeast/24terror.html?ex=1159416000&en=a2ca3fabce5ec328&ei=5087%0A

Spy Agencies Say Iraq War Worsens Terrorism Threat By MARK MAZZETTI

WASHINGTON, Sept. 23 — A stark assessment of terrorism trends by American intelligence agencies has found that the American invasion and occupation of Iraq has helped spawn a new generation of Islamic radicalism and that the overall terrorist threat has grown since the Sept. 11 attacks.

money

I just read an article by Doug Rand in The Dramatist, a publication put out by the Dramatist Guild. i guess my dues have not expired quite yet. Anyway, the gist of the article is that in 1966 the royalties a high school or college or community group paid to produce a published play was about 50 dollars. Today, it's still the same amount. Or it could be as high as 60 or 75 but the point is that it should be more like 300 if we take inflation into account.

As someone who has a play being published who is just beginning to see a little bit of money from this playwriting thing, this is very upsetting to me. i mean I knew it was near impossible to make a living as a playwright but to have it spelled out so plainly (by the founder of Playscripts) is disheartening to say the least.

Basically it's telling me that the royalties i receive should be almost 6 times what they are. i don't know what that would do to an equity contract not to mention where these theatre companies would get this money. A lot of them expect you to work for free anyway. but Christ, after the summer i had, if i had been paid 300 dollars per performance, for my full lengths, I would have made 12,000 dollars. You know what I could do with 12,000 dollars? quit my job to start so i could write for real (for four months or so perhaps and just pray I dont need the health insurance) Christ. I will never make a living at this. time to write that screenplay.

Preview

The bloggers got together and decided to post a three play preview of what they want to see in the fall. I am participating.

I took a look at the major theatres and there are two plays I’d really love to see. I’m sure there are tons of downtown or indie theatre shows that I will want to see and I’ll get the email and go but I have to say I could only find 2 off broadways shows I was interested in seeing.

Sarah Ruhl’s Clean House—a play that I want to see but can’t really afford. 70 bucks! Maybe they have student rush.

In this poignant comedy, Matilde, a young Brazilian woman, is hired by Lane and her husband Charles—two busy, high-powered physicians—as the housekeeper of their suburban home. Unfortunately, Matilde hates to clean. She prefers trying to dream up the funniest joke in the world. Lane’s sister, Virginia, however, loves to clean and, in a secret deal with Matilde, arranges to take care of the cleaning behind Lane’s back, an arrangement just too perfect to last. At the same time, Charles meets the free-spirited Ana, whose passion evokes a soulful grace in everyone it touches, and casts a wonderfully surreal spell over The Clean House

http://www.lct.org/calendar/event_detail.cfm?ID_event=80195535

Adrift in Macao at Primary Stages

Receiving its New York premiere is the hilarious and irreverent new film noir musical parody, Adrift in Macao with book and lyrics by Christopher Durang (Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All For You, The Marriage of Bette and Boo) and music by Peter Melnick. Mixing together farce, camp, and tongue-in-cheek wit, Adrift in Macao spins the tale of five quirky characters stranded in a Casablanca-like locale in the Far-East. Complete with intrigue, silliness and a playfully melodic score, it is the newest work from a gifted theater composer and one of America's funniest playwrights

http://www.primarystages.com/22season.htm

Oct 2

*PARTY!!!*

*COME ON DOWN! * *and join NEW GEORGES Artistic Director * *SUSAN BERNFIELD* *(Producer, Sheila Callaghan's hit play, DEAD CITY)* *as she hosts *

*The First-Ever * *NEW YORK THEATER REVIEW* *FUNDRAISER!!!! * *www.nytr.org*

*Monday, October 2, 2006* *8pm* *The Brick Theater* *575 Metropolitan Avenue* *Williamsburg, Brooklyn* *$20* *Directions <http://www.bricktheater.com/Directions.html>*

*The New York Theater Review was launched to help increase recognition of downtown New York theater artists and productions. Our debut release features new plays from Sheila Callaghan (the critically-acclaimed New Georges hit Dead City), August Schulenburg (Riding the Bull) and Ken Urban (The Female Terrorist Project ) plus essays and reviews ranging from Julian Beck's Living Theatre to SoHo's own legendary Wooster Group.*

*Go Ahead: Take A Look At Our Debut Edition

<http://www.amazon.com/gp/sitbv3/reader/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-7487563-4136065?%25255Fencoding=UTF8&asin=1411664833 >

*In 2007, NYTR is looking to expand its reach in distribution and visibility, and this kind of stuff takes DOUGH! *

*PLEASE COME OUT AND HELP SUPPORT * *DOWNTOWN NEW YORK'S* *EXCITING NEW THEATER PUBLICATION!*

*Booze!* *A Silent Auction of Cool Stuff!* *More Booze!* *Cool People!* *Hot Tuneage!* *Prizes!* *Mystery Guests!* *Even More Booze!*

*PLUS*

*THE SIZZLIN' SHORTS:* *Original Tiny Plays Specially Commissioned for This Evening* *From 3 of Downtown Theater's * *Hottest Playwrights!*

*www.nytr.org*

inch by inch

I've been stuck on this new play stuck stuck stuck but i managed to get a little more done today so i don't feel so bad and i read over what i have so far and i actually like it. this could actually work.

Here is a piece I have to take out because it doesn't fit the world I'm trying to create. i kind of like it, and it also makes me cringe at the same time. in any case it's just not going to work.

DOG I want to believe in evolution. Dogs are getting smarter. We are working on having opposable thumbs. So we can pick things up. And write things down. It is so hard to read books now. But we are getting smarter and we are working on developing technology. Actually we may just take your technology and make improvements. Like the Japanese. Or the dolphins.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/17/books/review/Buruma.t.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5087%0A&en=03f0fda2ce6b8f7f&ex=1158724800

From review of Frank Rich Book on NY Times

"THERE may be one other reason for the fumbling: the conventional methods of American journalism, marked by an obsession with access and quotes. A good reporter for an American paper must get sources who sound authoritative and quotes that show both sides of a story. His or her own expertise is almost irrelevant. If the opinions of columnists count for too much in the American press, the intelligence of reporters is institutionally underused. The problem is that there are not always two sides to a story. Someone reporting on the persecution of Jews in Germany in 1938 would not have added “balance” by quoting Joseph Goebbels. And besides, as Judith Miller found out, what is the good of quotes if they are based on false information?"

from the Onion

Bush: 'History Cannot Judge Me If I End It Soon'

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52331

"WASHINGTON, DC—Despite, or perhaps because of, rising fuel prices, the unpopularity of the U.S. presence in Iraq, and mounting legal problems surrounding his administration, President Bush informed his Cabinet Monday that he is unworried about his place in history, White House sources said. "I'm telling you, pretty soon some things are going to develop so that I won't have history to worry about any longer," Bush said. "History may be written by the winners, but it doesn't get written at all if all of human language is lost in, say, fire storms, right? So I can still get off the hook." Although troubles faced by his presidency have been relatively recent, sources said they believed Bush's plan had been put into motion long before he had even taken office.

This was pointed out to me by someone on one of the many lists I'm on.

http://www.improbable.co.uk/show_example.asp?item_id=17

It's a discussion in England about theatre.

DEVOTED AND DISGRUNTLED What are we going to do about theatre?

From new Chris Durang Post

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-durang/

" . . . they excerpted an ad from incumbent Nancy Johnson, running for her Congressional seat in Connecticut.

The ad they showed was this: against the background of ominous music and a sickly green computer screen with pictures of suspicious men on it, the voiceover says gravely: "A terrorist plot may be unfolding. Should the government intercept that call or wait until the paper work is filed?"

That is a LIE. The FISA law NEVER makes you wait to intercept the call. If the government has suspicions, it is allowed to tape that call INSTANTANEOUSLY, you do not have to file any paper work BEFORE doing so. If you have suspicions you just tape away, the FISA court gives the government the benefit of the doubt, and the government has THREE DAYS to file for the warrant. (This law only covers calls involving taping an American citizen's phone call.)

The government can certainly manage to file by the end of three days, can they not? Do we pay their salaries to do things, or not? The FISA court is notably accepting of the government's point of view and in the past has turned down very, very few requests for a warrant."