new scene, 1st draft as always

(NURSE 2 enters the room. DR. X is handcuffed to the bed. They look at each other for a long time. Neither of them moves. Then, finally, NURSE 2 approaches.) NURSE 2 I have medication for you. It’ll allow you to sleep. DR. X It’s you. NURSE 2 Yes. DR. X It’s really you. NURSE 2 Yes. DR. X I can’t believe it. NURSE 2 I didn’t know if you’d know me. DR. X I couldn’t ever forget you. NURSE 2 I thought you might. DR. X I thought I’d never see you again. NURSE 2 Me either. DR. X You’re all I think about. Day and night. Afternoon. Morning. When I’m dreaming. When I’m awake. When I’m loading my syringe or washing the dishes. When I’m thinking about getting a cat, really I’m thinking about you. I do it all for you. NURSE 2 I wish you would stop. DR.X If I can’t have love, no one can. NURSE 2 That seems unfair. DR.X Tell me--What is your name? NURSE 2 You don’t know? DR.X No. NURSE 2 Well, let’s keep it this way. DR. X Why is it I can’t remember your name, yet all I think of is you? NURSE 2 Maybe it’s because I hit you on the head. DR.X You did? NURSE 2 Before I left. DR. X Oh. NURSE 2 You were sleeping so peacefully. I wrote the note and I put it where I thought you would see it. DR. X You didn’t sign it. NURSE 2 I thought it was a very polite note but I thought maybe you didn’t necessarily understand polite based on my past experiences with you. So I hit you over the head with a frying pan just to be sure you got the message. You didn’t wake up so I hit you again just to be sure. Then I checked your vitals and everything was OK so I went to work. And I never saw you again. Now it turns out you’re Dr. X. DR.X And you’re, Molly? NURSE 2 No. DR.X Sylvia? NURSE 2 No. DR.X Gertrude. NURSE 2 No. DR.X Betsy? NURSE 2 Listen, I’m not going to tell you. In fact I’m thinking of hitting you over the head again just to make sure you don’t remember that I work here. DR.X Why didn’t it work out between us? NURSE 2 It just didn’t. DR. X Your face. NURSE 2 Please don’t say it. DR.X It’s like a plate. NURSE 2 Oh, God. DR. X I may be handcuffed to the bed right now, but that won’t always be the case. We can run off together. You could even help me escape. NURSE 2 I’m going to transfer to a different hospital. DR. X Don’t do that. NURSE 2 I might move to a different state. DR. X We could move together. NURSE 2 This is the last time you’ll see me. DR. X You don’t know that. No one ever knows that. NURSE 2 I’ll make sure this time. DR. X No. NURSE 2 It was good to see you. I think I had to see you. I had to know. Now I know I made the right decision. DR. X No! NURSE 2 Good bye Dr. X. DR. X Nooooo! (NURSE 2 exits.) DR. X Noooo! Come back! Come back.

new scene, first draft as always

17 (NURSE 1 is eating doughnuts. NURSE 2 and 3 watch.) NURSE 2 You’ve been eating lots of doughnuts. NURSE 1 Not really. NURSE 3 Yes, really. NURSE 1 I know but I have good reasons. NURSE 2 What’s a good reason to eat so many doughnuts. NURSE 1 You know why I do it. It’s him. NURSE 3 You’re eating too many. It’s not good for you. that many doughnuts takes a toll on your heart. I know you think you can hurt your heart, get your arteries clogged, have a heart attack so he’ll operate on you, but that’s not the way. That way will lead you to nowhere but pain. NURSE 2 You need to let up on the doughnuts. We’ve all noticed. It’s become too much. We’re concerned. NURSE 1 You’re concerned? NURSE 2 This is an intervention. NURSE 1 It is? NURSE 3 Miriam wanted to come but she’s in surgery. NURSE 1 With a doctor. NURSE 2 Yes. NURSE 1 That you for your intervention. I’m touched. I’m warmed. My heart . . . But I don’t know how to fill myself if I stop eating doughnuts. I’m afraid I will cease to exist if I stop eating even for a minute. NURSE 2 We’re here to help you. NURSE 3 Tell us what you want us to do. NURSE 2 We can go out for a healthy lunch. Together. Would you like that? NURSE 1 OK. (Enter PETER, ecstatic) PETER It works! The heart works! (PETER hugs the NURSES, jumps up and down in celebration.) PETER The heartbeat is so strong, much stronger than I thought it would be. NURSE 1 That’s great! PETER I have to go tell Lisa! (PETER exits running.) (NURSE 1 breaks down and sobs. NURSE 2 offers her a doughnut.) NURSE 3 OK. It’s OK. We can have the intervention tomorrow.

new scene, 1st draft as always

11


(DR. X exits. The CRIMEFIGHTERS and LISA arrive at the slain couple. It is a crime scene now. They all put on rubber gloves as they enter. The dummies of the previous scene are replaced by CARSON and ED.)

SALLY
Welcome to your first crime scene.

LISA
It’s – not like I thought.

SALLY
It never is.

JAZMIN
Dr. X entered through the window as is his custom. He stood here.

NINA
I’m standing where Dr. X stood. I’m breathing the same air. It feels—I don’t know. I feel alive.

JAZMIN
The doctor is efficient. I’ll say that. Comes in. Kills ‘em. Goes out.

NINA
It makes me shiver.

SALLY
Any clues?

JAZMIN
Nothing.

LISA
(standing over the dead couple
Look at his eyelashes. He reminds me of—

JAZMIN
Who?

LISA
No one. Never mind. I shouldn’t think of it anyway.

NINA
You can’t help what you think.

LISA
Can’t I?

SALLY
Get some carpet samples.

NINA
I’ll take samples of where I’m standing.

JAZMIN
I have a sink full of dishes at home. Why do I always think of that at a crime scene?

SALLY
I always think of the Commissioner.

NINA
I think of nothing but Dr. X.

LISA
They were very much in love.

(The CRIMEFIGHTERS gather around the dead bodies.)

SALLY
They were?

JAZMIN
Were they?

LISA
The way they’re holding each other.

NINA
I don’t see it.

LISA
Look how close they were. Breathing on each other until they stopped. Oh, yeah, there is no doubt. They were very much in love.

(A flashback: The couple, ED and CARSON, come alive. CARSON in bed. ED moving around.)

CARSON
Come to bed.

ED
I’m coming.

CARSON
Did you lock the window?

ED
Yesss. I always lock the window.

CARSON
Did you lock the window tonight?

ED
I said I locked the window.

CARSON
Ok. Ok. Don’t get bent out of shape.

ED
I’m not.

CARSON
Are you sure I’m the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?

ED
I’m sure.

CARSON
Are you sure you’re sure?

ED
Yes.

CARSON
I’m sure too.

ED
Let’s go to sleep.

CARSON
Ok. Hold me.

(They hold one another.)

CARSON
Our life is good.

ED
I think so.

CARSON
Me too.

ED
You were really good at Trivial Pursuit tonight.

(But CARSON is asleep. ED closes his eyes. Light shift. They are dead again. The CRIMEFIGHTERS and LISA sigh.)

LISA
It makes you think.

SALLY and JAZMIN
Yeah.

LISA
Oh, well.

NINA
What’s wrong with me? I don’t feel anything.

SALLY
Why did I ever break it off with the Commissioner?

NINA
I think I don’t feel anything.

LISA
I think I’m going to cry.

JAZMIN
I’m going to be late to my date. But I ran out of fabric softener. Should I go get the fabric softener and be a little later and then carry it around on the date? Or should I just go without it and have clothes that aren’t as soft?

LISA
I can’t stand this.

NINA
Does Dr. X hate love? I think I hate love to. Do I? Is that possible? I am just like the Doctor, deep down or even on the surface too? I look at them and I don’t care. I am empty.

SALLY
I think I’m going to call the Commissioner and say we should give it another shot.

LISA
I got to go.

JAZMIN
Are you going?

LISA
I got to go. I can’t wait another second. I’m sorry. I have to go.

(The CRIMEFIGHTERS watch her go.)

JAZMIN
Where are the body bags? I can’t look at these anymore.

new scene, first draft as always

9 (NINA and LISA scour the streets in full Crimefighter getup. Normal city noises.) LISA There aren’t any accidents. NINA What? LISA No one is shouting at me. NINA Why would they shout at you? LISA Right. I mean I guess it’s this mask. They think I’m one of you. So they look but they don’t stare. They don’t run red lights or walk into passerbys. Because I’m a known quantity now. A Crimefighter. I can protect them. NINA Yes. LISA It feels great. I feel free. No one told me being anonymous was so much fun. NINA It’s one of the secrets of being a crimefighting hero. LISA What are the other secrets? NINA Oh, you’ll learn soon enough. Lots of free drinks. Cutting in line at the movies. LISA That already happens to me. NINA Oh. LISA But now it will be because of what I do instead of what I look like. NINA Oh. LISA No more men for me. NINA No? LISA How do you do it? NINA Oh, you get used to it. LISA I mean, there have been men? NINA Oh, sure. Sure. Well, no. Not in a long time. And honestly, I don’t miss it. Or rather, the job has taken over for providing me with that excitement. And there’s nothing that beats crimefighting. I don’t care what kind of sex you’ve had. LISA I’ve had lots of kinds. NINA We all have. Well, I haven’t, but you can’t go by me. I mean actually, the thing about me is, and please don’t say anything to the others— LISA I won’t. NINA The thing is, ever since my run in with Dr. X, well, it’s all I can think about. I can’t stop thinking about the doctor. Day and night. When I’m brushing my teeth. Even when—you know. LISA Oh. NINA Dr. X is just so exciting. And wrong. So exciting and wrong. I think the other girls have an inkling. Because I—I let him get away. I didn’t mean to. I paused. If you know me, you know I’m not someone who ever pauses. I run into any situation, burning building, shark infested pool without a thought. But I saw Dr. X and I paused, to the point of stopping even. And it was not revulsion I was feeling. Well, it was, but it was mixed with something else potent. I’m not sure what. They should bottle it if they could ever find a way to collect it. They’d make millions. LISA Who? NINA Exactly. (DR. X enters here as NINA’s memory and they look at each other.) NINA Just stood there, looking at me, with a doctor’s bag and a syringe. Dr. X showed no remorse. Remorseless. Soulless maybe. And it took my breath away. I’m terrified of what might happen the next time I run into the doctor. You have to be ready at all times to kill if necessary. But when I think—I’m not sure I could do it in this case. I dread our next meeting and at the same time I look forward to it more than anything in my entire life. You know what I mean? LISA Yes.

scene 2, first draft as always

2

(A hospital. The CRIMEFIGHTERS become NURSES. LISA in another area being examined by PETER, a heart doctor.)

NURSE 1
Is she in there?

NURSE 2
She’s in there with him.

NURSE 3
Lucky girl.

LISA
Thank you for seeing me so soon.

PETER
It’s no problem.

LISA
I’m sure you must be very busy these days, what with the rash of heart crimes.

PETER
Lot’s of people worried about their hearts. Lot’s of people sleeping alone. People who don’t even have to sleep alone. Don’t even want to. Lots of fear.

LISA
I was scratched.

PETER
You were?

LISA
By a syringe.

PETER
So you’re concerned.

LISA
I have concerns.

PETER
Well, let’s take a listen.

NURSE 1
He listened to my heart once.

NURSE 2
He did?

NURSE 3
He didn’t.

(LISA opens her shirt. PETER takes the stethoscope and listens to her heart.)

NURSE 2
Was the stethoscope cold?

NURSE 1
Only a little.

NURSE 3
Were his hands warm?

NURSE 1
He brushed my arm with his fingertips. They were like butterflies.

NURSE 2
Did you kiss him?

NURSE 1
I was too afraid. There was his breath in my ear. Pounding in my throat. I remember, he said—

PETER
Your heart is beating fast.

LISA
Is it?

PETER
You need to relax.

NURSE 1
He listened for a long time but when he was done, he told me I could go.

NURSE 2
And you went?

NURSE 1
There was nothing else to do.

PETER
(to LISA)
You have a strong heart. There are other tests I can run if you want but from what I’ve heard your heart is strong and capable of many things.

LISA
Thank you. That’s nice to hear.

PETER
Not everyone has such a strong heart. My own heart. It was damaged once and has never quite been able to recover. It’s a muscle you know.

LISA
I know.

PETER
And it atrophies if you don’t use it. Sometimes I don’t use mine as much as I should. Yours, though. You can be as active as you want. A heart like that.

LISA
Thank you, Doctor.

PETER
Call me Peter.

LISA
Thank you, Peter. (pause) There’s something else I wanted to ask you about.

PETER
Oh.

LISA
Sorry.

PETER
No. No. You heard about my experiments. It’s hard to keep anything a secret. I tried to keep it out of the papers, but I guess in the current climate—People are afraid to sleep together even when they shut their windows and lock their doors. My artificial heart would of course protect them. We could all sleep with our lovers without fear. We wouldn’t fear to love.

LISA
You have a lover you’re afraid to love?

PETER
No, no. With this heart? No, not me.

LISA
There’s not anyone?

PETER
No, not now. Not anymore. Not anyone.

LISA
But I’m sure, a man like you—

PETER
Please. I don’t want to talk about it.

LISA
Sorry. I just thought--

PETER
You were asking about the artificial heart. I’m going to be the first test subject. I can’t do the operation myself of course. But if the heart works on me and my body doesn’t reject it. . .

LISA
But doctor, can your heart . . . I mean, the artificial heart—can—Can it love?

PETER
There’s only one way to find out.

LISA
But what if it keeps you from ever loving again?

PETER
That’s the chance I’ll have to take, for science. For the hope of mankind.

LISA
Don’t you want to love again?

PETER
Me? Oh, no. Not me.

LISA
Why not?

PETER
My heart can’t handle it.

(LISA kisses him. A sound of a heart beating fast can be heard.)

LISA
It handled that OK.

(PETER looks shocked)

NURSE 1
I could fall in love with that doctor.

NURSE 2
Me too.

NURSE 3
In another life.

PETER
Well, I think we’re done here. I have other patients. You, I’m sure have other—

LISA
Come out to dinner with me.

PETER
Well—I—I don’t normally—with patients.

LISA
Have dinner with me.

PETER
It’s not—

LISA
Come out to dinner.

PETER
OK, Yes. OK. Yes. I would love to join you for dinner.