ISBN/Code: 0-8222-2136-5

hooo yaaa!

Deflowering Waldo is on it's way to the high style presses of DPS.

One more because it's friday--not the next scene but a scene nonetheless

(At a bar. JAKE wears a different tie. ELISE wears a skirt under her raincoat. She still has her big rubber boots.)

JAKE I had to shoot him. I didn’t want to. I still have nightmares about it. But I had to do it. If I had to do it again, I’d do the same thing. I take the law very seriously.

ELISE Is that right?

JAKE I’m sure you take your job very seriously too. Being the youngest ever fire chief and all.

ELISE You read up on me.

JAKE I am a detective.

ELISE I found out a little about you too.

JAKE What’s that?

ELISE You live alone. No pets even. You drink too much. You swear too much. You call your mother on Sundays. You never call your father. Your socks often don’t match. You never learned to swim. You’ve never been married but you had an exgirlfriend you loved more than anything. She died when a tourboat caught fire in the Carribean. You were supposed to be on that boat but you couldn’t get the time off. Some nights you wished you had died with her—suffocated and then burned to death. Other times you imagine you could have saved her even though you never learned to swim. You couldn’t cope for a while after her death. They gave you time off after you crashed up a coupe or two. Then you spent a little time in a white room with cushy walls. When you returned they gave you fire duty. You have an almost religious need to catch the arsonist. And while I believe you have interest in me, I can’t help but think you want to be close to me in case it helps your case in the long run. That and I’m the best looking firefighter in New York. Although they didn’t print that.

JAKE Well . . . I guess you did your homework. Anything else?

ELISE Yeah. You’re an excellent detective. You almost always get your man.

JAKE What about women?

ELISE We’ll have to see. The night is still young.

another scene (1st draft, people)

(The Police Station. JAKE sits at his desk, his head in his hands. He takes a swig from a whiskey bottle and then puts his head back in his hands.)

TOM Detective.

JAKE Tom.

JANE Detective.

JAKE Jane.

STU Detective.

JAKE Stu. TOM Hittin’ the bottle pretty hard.

STU Drinkin’ like a fish.

JANE Sumptin’ on your mind?

JAKE No, no. It’s this damn arsonist. TOM Yeah, he’s making you look pretty bad.

STU Cripes, I wouldn’t want to be you.

JANE No leads, huh?

JAKE None. Real professional jobs, all of them. And done with such precision.

TOM And malice.

STU Bloody anarchy.

JANE Hope he fries, the flaming bastard. TOM Ain’t no reason for a man like that to live even.

STU Sick is what it is.

JAKE I dunno. You know what really gets me?

JANE What?

TOM What?

STU What?

JAKE The unmitigated gall. Coming to my town starting fires. We work hard to keep order.

JANE, TOM, STU We do.

JAKE The size of the balls on this bastard comes to my town lighting fires. Chaos. The streets full of screeching fire engines. The danger of speeding traffic. The heat of the fire itself. Little old ladies crossing the street. Fire hoses. Ladders. The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. What kind of person causes such chaos? It’s sick.

JANE You’ll get em, Jake.

STU Don’t worry.

TOM Hang in there, slugger.

(The phone rings.)

JAKE Hello. I’ll be right there. (hangs up the phone.) If you’ll excuse me, I got a fire downtown I got to get to.

And may I recommend

FOr you NYCers, A Living Room in Africa produced by the Edge Theatre Co. Now at Theatre Row.

I'm actually going to see this again it was so good. I read this play a couple years ago and I loved it then. It's even better now. Bash Doran was a year above me at Columbia and is now two years above me at Juilliard. She is one to watch.

Also if you have never seen an Edge production, you really have to see this. The Cantor/ Korins team is unbeatable. They've done some Adam Rapp in the past. They did Ann Marie Healy's play also "Now That's What I call a Storm". And last year it was Orange Flower Water.

I'm telling you though, go see this play.

A

NEW

Here is the start of something--wrote in Paula Vogel workshop at the flea. This will be film noir project. 1 (A therapists office. CARRIE is in professional attire. ELISE wears a fireman’s hat, a long raincoat and big rubber boots.) CARRIE Before we start, congratulations on the promotion. ELISE Thank you. It was in the— CARRIE Yes, I read it. The youngest fire chief in New York City ever. Very impressive. ELISE Thank you. CARRIE You must be very proud. ELISE Things have been going well. CARRIE That’s always good to hear. What else is going on? You missed last week’s session. ELISE Been a lot of fires recently. CARRIE I see. And . . . uh these are-- ELISE Oh, we’ve been keeping ahead of them. Don’t worry. CARRIE I’m not worried, I’m asking-- ELISE Although the dating has slowed down, you know since the promotion. Men are threatened by a woman in power. CARRIE Let’s talk about why you feel that way. ELISE I don’t think we need to talk about it. I mean it’s true, right? CARRIE Well, I consider myself a successful woman and I--- ELISE Jesus Christ. Can we get through one session without talking about your husband? CARRIE I wasn’t—I’m sorry. ELISE I swear. CARRIE How is your impulse control these days? ELISE Oh, come on— CARRIE I think it’s important to discuss. ELISE Have I been starting fires, you mean. CARRIE Well, yes. ELISE I don’t think you understand. A fire is the most beautiful thing ever created. I dare you to show me a work of art that can rival a three alarm fire. You couldn’t do it. You just couldn’t. And I like art as much as the next person but I wonder always when I see a Van Gogh or a Rembrant--I imagine, as I’m sure you do, what it would look like on fire. That second before the painting caves in, that would be incomparable. But sadly, I don’t think any of us will live to see it. We could burn prints, I suppose, cheap gift store prints, but it would just be paper. No melting paint, no disintegrating wood. It’s a waste. Cause, a fire--there’s nothing like a good fire. At first it’s just a match, a little yellow flame, and it need nurturing to grow to an inferno. Those oranges, those yellows, those cores of blue don’t just happen by themselves. They take planning. They take skill. I am not some kerosene dousing fourteen year old—no. I am an artist. I can make flames that lick the sky and tear down warehouses while leaving buildings inches away unscathed. And of course, me and the boys are always around to come and put it out in case anything should happen. CARRIE You need to stop. ELISE I don’t need to do anything. CARRIE It’s not right. ELISE No one’s been hurt. CARRIE It’s just a matter of time. You need to stop. ELISE I can’t. It’s too beautiful. It’s way too beautiful.

Also

I am looking for film noir movies I can watch--especially with a femme fatale who ends up being the criminal the gumshoe is looking for. an Oedipus type deal.

Any help?

Reading Last Night

went really well. Everyone's assistant was there. What's that, you're someone's assistant and you weren't there. Well I hope you come next time.

And I'm not deriding in any way. I too am someone's assistant.

---

But what I was trying to say was that the reading went well, but not so well that I wasn't just a bit depressed afterwards--I couldn't help but feeling I could have written it better. I could have tightened it tighter, I could have hung it looser or cut that stage direction or that scene. And while I'm on the subject of writing, why am I not writing right now? Writing something far better. Oh, I have to figure it out? FIGURE IT OUT, already! Jeez.

But what I was saying is that the actors were great and the reading was mentioned twice in playbill so there was an audience there. I was working with a smart capable director and the ARS Nova facilities and staff are a cut above a cut above. Have you been to this place? I'm used to having readings in the hallway of my friend's uncle. Everyone has to get up when someone wants to enter or exit their apartment. This was more like a posh hotel for plays. It's what I imagine England is like. (I'm sure I'll be dissapointed.) But the offices and the stage and everything was beautiful.

And they gave us Tshirts afterwards.

Jobs I have had

I worked in a video store 

I took inventories in stores and warehouses using large calculators and electronic balances 

I tutored reading and writing 

I worked as a deck hand on a tour boat scooting up and down the Connecticut River where my job duties including bartending, lugging trash and steering the boat. 

I was a tour guide at Gillette Castle 

For three weeks I worked in a copy store

 I was Asst Manager and then Manager of various video stores in a chain in MA

 I sold wholesale fence to fence contractors

 I worked in shipping and receiving for a 3D artist whose work is in all the windows in times square.

 I was a set builder at Columbia University. No one was ever hurt...by me. 

I worked for 2 agents, 1 theatre, and 1 producer, largely in a lit capacity 

Which brings me to the current Administrative Asst Position at the Journalism School where I photocopy proofread and perform other sundry duties.

Remember when we detained Japanese Americans during WWII? We didn't learn from this mar on our record. Now we go and get people who wear certain watches and we put them in jail for years out of the eye of US laws and regulations and sily things like the Geneva Convention. While there, they are abused. All in the name of American freedom and democracy for all. This has been our nightmare since the Bush administration began stashing prisoners it did not want to account for in Guantánamo Bay: An ordinary man with a name something like a Taliban bigwig's is swept up in the dragnet and imprisoned without any hope of proving his innocence.

In New York

Out Loud Reading series Mon March 13 at 7pm Pretty Theft By Adam Szymkowicz Directed by Evan Cabnet In the summer between high school and college, Allegra must fend for herself as she is faced with a summer job at a rest home, a new best friend who's hellbent on self-destruction, a boyfriend who is a terrible kisser, a disastrous roadtrip in a stolen car, a kidnapper, and provocative lipstick. A chorus of ballerinas punctuate this whimsical, humorous and bittersweet coming of age tale. With Naomi Aborn, Heidi Armbruster, Austin Lysy and Heidi Schreck Ars Nova 511 West 54th street

IN Los Angeles

LOVE BITES Genre Comedy Opens Tuesday, February 21, 2006 Closes Friday, March 17, 2006 Runs Tuesdays & Thursdays - Vol. III Wednesdays & Fridays - Vol. IV Special Show Info Running time: 90 minutes. There will be an intermission. Elephant Asylum Theatre 6322 Santa Monica Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90038 Ample Street Parking Area Map Reservations (323) 960-7822 Tickets $15.00 Individual Show Special Note: If you purchase a ticket for BOTH SHOWS, use Promo Code 005, for 2nd show (Vol.IV) only - This is a $10.00 Savings! Combination tickets will be verified. LOVE BITES VOL. III & IV "An evening of not so romantic shorts and dysfunctional comedies" ---------------------------------- TUESDAY/THURSDAY (Vol. III) Writers: Gena Acosta, Zibby Allen, Kerry Carney, & Jacqueline Christy Directors: Kerry Carney, Don Cesario, Amy French, Christopher Game, & Tom Stanczyk. ---------------------------------- WEDNESDAY/FRIDAY (Vol. IV) Writers: Tony Foster, Gloria CalderÓn Kellett, Tom Stanczyk, & Adam Szymkowicz Directors: Lindsay Allbaugh, Zibby Allen, Dave Fofi, Christopher Game, Emily Hands, & Gina Soto. Cast includes: Kerry Carney, Brendan Connor, Nelson DelRosario, Kate Ascott-Evans, David Franco, Amy French, Alexander Hoover, Cheryl Huggins, Annie Morse, Jeff Perry

It's snowing. I love that. I'm having one of those days. I feel like I'm barely here. Someone please acknowledge my existence. I wish people would talk about me more.

Swabbed

This morning, I was about to enter the subway on my way to work when I was stopped by a cop and asked to step over to the side to be searched. This had happened to me before maybe a month ago—I had opened my bag and they had looked in it and then, seeing nothing particularly dangerous they had waved me on my way. This time was different. There were about 6 cops altogether over on the side. One had rubber gloves. They asked me to stand behind a white line next to the joking cop (his job was to joke and make everything jovial). Then the cop in the rubber gloves swabbed my bag with a strip of something and put it through some machine. And then because they didn’t find what they were looking for, and apparently my bag still contains nothing dangerous, the mood remained jovial, the joking cop made another joke and everyone was all smiles when the rubber gloved cop told me I could go.

stirrings in the world of Floyd Britchcraft. Floyd, I'll take that 20 bucks now.

Article in NY Times from interrogator: From January 2004 to January 2005, I served in various places in Iraq (including Abu Ghraib) as an Army interrogator. Following orders that I believed were legal, I used military working dogs during interrogations. I terrified my interrogation subjects, but I never got intelligence (mostly because 90 percent of them were probably innocent, but that's another story). Perhaps, I have thought for a long time, I also deserve to be prosecuted. But if that is the case, culpability goes much farther up the chain of command than the Army and the Bush administration have so far been willing to admit.

Alliance Theatre is now housing blogs for its artists to talk about their productions there. I'm curious to see how this will work. Will playwrights and dramaturgs be talking about production problems? Are there restrictions on what can be said about one's collaborators? Is this the wave of the future or a very bad idea?

This should be interesting. Comes out in April

The Case for Impeachment: The Legal Argument for Removing President George W. Bush from Office by David Lindroff

Mark it on your calendar or Tattoo it on your arm

A small notice in Playbill about my reading coming up. You have to scroll to the bottom but it's there. The Out Loud reading series will continue March 13 with Adam Szymkowicz's Pretty Theft. Evan Cabnet directs. I hope you will be able to make that. If not please come to the likely but not definite production of Nerve (three weeks?) in May, in NYC. Or come to production of Food For Fish four weekends in July also in NYC. Or Pretty Theft in DC fringe 5 days in early July.

LA folks, let me know if you want to attend. I can get a limited number of comps. A

TRYING TO TRANSLATE WHAT MY GIRLFRIEND IS SAYING IN SWEDISH WHILE SHE'S ON THE PHONE TO HER MOTHER from McSweeneys. Thanks to Daisey for this.

the amazing ever-expanding universe and your place in it

This blew my mind more than a little bit. ----- Santa Roi or something similar This Santa play is finally taking a little bit of shape in my mind, which is good because I'm going nuts with not writing anything.

K and I just got a cat who is named Skeezer, at the moment. Skeezer is a one year old black and white cat who fell out of a window and broke both her legs. She is fully healed now but has metal plates in her. Having had her for a couple days now, I can see how she fell out of a window. She seems to fall off everything. I don't know why the window was open however. And I will never know. But anyway, she seems like a great cat and I am very excited.

i thought I wasn't going to write this play but it's back on my mind again which means (this time at least it means) I'm posting a bunch more pictures.

It's about time

A United Nations report today called on the United States to immediately close the detention center for suspected terrorists at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and to either release its inmates or bring them before an impartial tribunal. But will this make a difference? Bush doesn't seem to care about the UN or about human rights or about people. When will we stop interning people while we are at war? It's atrocious and it takes the freedom away that we are supposedly fighting for. People are supposed to be innocent until proven guilty in the US. They should be charged with a crime or let go. Did Cheney shoot someone so this wouldn't be the top news story or am I being a little paranoid? "The UN story didn't come out yet, sir" "OK well don't tell anyone I shot him yet."

My 10 min play snow performed by Blue Box this fri at 9 and next thurs and fri also at 9 at the DR2 in NYC.

a short story told in the bent ear of a friend

She was a girl who liked to hold her breath. She liked to see her face turn blue before it all went black. He was a boy who liked ever more piercings on his face and on his body. He liked to say he could never feel a thing when the metal went in. Blueskin met Metal in a bar in DUMBO. Blueskin was lighting matches off her teeth. Metal was finding oblivion in marathon shots of Jack. Each of them was quiet and each of them was alone. Blueskin started a small but uncontrolled napkin fire. Metal helped her put it out it with a glass of water. They liked the way their eyes glinted in the moment before the fire was doused. What’s that old saying? “There’s nothing like a fire to break the ice.” They talked like words were dollar bills laid on the bar. In the spaces, in the silence they pondered their similarities. They both liked the taste of salt overload and the sound of Velcro coming apart. She liked to bury her head in her pillow each morning to avoid the sunrise. He always shaved the right side of his face before the left. She always painted her toenails the color of her mood. He never asked for anyone for anything. Except for that night when he asked her for her phone number. Except for that night, they never saw each other again.