Incendiary

is, I think, the title of my play in progress.

April 4 at 7pm

I'm having a reading at Juilliard of my Hamlet play which is currently titled "Herbie: A Cowboy Comedy"

Let me know if you want to come and I'll put you on the list.

a scene I cut out of Pretty Theft

SCENE 29 (In the Motel room, the air turns strange. We are in a dream. MARCO is gone. The other cast members enter as dancers and creatures to begin another ballet.) (SUZY is still on the floor.)

BALLERINA 1 Deep in a chemically induced slumber, Suzy has a dream.

BALLERINA 2 Omigod! Are you Ok?

SUZY What?

BALLERINA 1 There’s something wrong with you.

SUZY Not me, I’m special I’m fine. I’m good. Not like any other.

BALLERINA 2 You really don’t know, do you?

BOBBY (as a medic) Miss, are you all right.

SUZY Why?

BOBBY You’ve been in a terrible accident, you've fallen from . . . well, you may still be falling.

SUZY What’s going on?

(DANCERS all look up in horror and run around frantic.)

BOBBY You’ll be OK. I’m here to help you.

SUZY No one ever helps me.

BOBBY I will.

SUZY I have unique and special needs. I’m not used to them being fulfilled.

BOBBY Let me know what they are. No, don’t try to get up. Tell me how I can help.

SUZY To start, I require strength both from others and from myself.

BOBBY Sure

SUZY I am drastically underrated. I don’t know how to play the stock market but have a strong belief I could figure it out in good time. I have a strong backstroke and wish I could get around merely by swimming.

BOBBY Interesting.

SUZY Thank you. I have to dance whenever I hear any sort of music from the 80’s. Even ads for soda and kitty litter jingles. I prefer not to dance alone.

BOBBY Of course

SUZY Good. I will need to grandstand at least once a week. Don’t be surprised if I do it in my pajamas that is if I wear pajamas to bed that night. Grandstanding must be done immediately in the morning on the first day one feels that special something. You shall not grandstand not unless you can prove that you too feel that special something, which of course you will not be able to do.

BOBBY Ok.

SUZY You must prove to me that I’m the most important thing there is. You must adore me and accept me and approve of all I do.

BOBBY I’m falling in love with you.

SUZY Of course. Now kiss me.

BOBBY Yes ma’am.

BALLERINA 1 But the wind suddenly takes him away.

(The BALLERINAS pick him up and carry him off.)

BALLERINA 2 And she is once again alone.

SUZY Help me I’m alone. I’ve fallen and I’m stuck. I’m close to death or at least misery. Help me, won’t you help me please.

BALLERINA 2 The insects are dead. The sun is dead. The sand is dead. There is no water.

BALLERINA 1 Still in the desert, still fallen, she moans.

(SUZY moans.)

BALLERINA 2 And buzzards pick the clothes from her body.

(The dancers pretending to be buzzards, attack her and try to take her clothes.)

(ALLEGRA rises.)

ALLEGRA I’m better than you in every way. I’m stronger and smarter and much much prettier.

SUZY Help.

ALLEGRA (singing) I am golden. I am sweet. I will make a life complete. I am the perfect girl in every way. I am the perfect girl, in this perfect world on this perfect day.

BOBBY Oh darling.

ALLEGRA Oh darling.

(BOBBY and ALLEGRA kiss.)

SUZY Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

BALLERINA 1 She feels her lashes being brushed. Her hair being touched. Her clothes being taken away.

SUZY I am beautiful

BALLERINA 2 No, you’re not.

BALLERINA 11 Suzy feels breathing very close to her. All around her. All up inside her. But she cannot see anything.

(The DANCERS breathe on her but when she turns they are gone.)

BALLERINA 2 She knows there is something inside her that’s screaming to get out. Sometimes it is very small and sometimes it roars. But it hasn’t got out yet.

SUZY Someone pay attention to me. I am unique. I have big thoughts. Pay attention to me! I deserve it!

(The BALLERINAS pick up SUZY and ALLEGRA and put them to bed.)

I've been feeling bad about not joining the many interesting theatre conversations. (Take a look on my blogroll) But I just don't have anything interesting to say and I'm getting burnt out talking theatre.

I also think I reach a point periodically, usually when I'm writing, where I can take only so much input and too much more will mess with my output.

So I'm sorry I'm not being a blog conversationalist at the moment. I'm interested. I'm just in a cave right now.

thurs scene (as always a first draft)

(LIZ sitting at a table in a café. There is something fishy about her. Enter GARY. He stands by her table.)

LIZ Are you the waiter?

GARY No. I am a friend of yours.

LIZ I am only friends with people from Villanova or Austria.

GARY I am from both places. I was in the orchestra.

LIZ Please sit.

GARY (sitting) Can I speak frankly?

LIZ No. It’s not secure.

GARY Let me just say that some things have been accomplished.

LIZ Which things?

GARY The things.

LIZ All the things?

(Enter WAITER.)

WAITER Hi. My name is Paul. I will be your server today. What can I get you?

LIZ Paul, we need a few minutes.

WAITER Can I get you drinks while you decide?

LIZ No, Paul. Please come back later.

WAITER Sure. The special of the day is a pan seared salmon--

LIZ Please go away. Seriously. I’m serious. Really.

WAITER Fine.

GARY Thanks, Paul.

WAITER Yeah, yeah . . .

(Exit WAITER.)

LIZ You were saying.

GARY I was saying. I need another week. But here’s part one.

(GARY slides something across the table. LIZ takes it.)

LIZ I don’t even think there’s time to order another drop.

GARY I’ll get it to you.

LIZ If you can’t deliver on time . . .

GARY I just need another week.

LIZ You already had another week.

GARY One more.

LIZ I’ll try to set something up. This can’t keep happening though.

GARY I understand.

LIZ You played the trombone in the marching band.

GARY Yes, and you twirled the flaming baton.

LIZ Good to see you old friend.

GARY Likewise.

(GARY gets up.)

(CARRIE enters, sees her husband GARY dining with another woman)

CARRIE Gary!

GARY Carrie!

WAITER Are you ready to order now?

GARY It’s not what it seems like.

CARRIE It sure seems that way.

WAITER Should I get one more place setting?

CARRIE No, thank you.

GARY Don’t make a scene. I can explain everything. But first we must leave.

CARRIE I’m leaving. Don’t bother coming home tonight.

GARY But . . . Carrie!

LIZ This is so non-professional.

WAITER Can I get you drinks?

I am sick sick

I am propped up by Dayquil

but will get to meet David Ives later today and perhaps he will tell me what's wrong with my 10 minute play.

I've been home sick

and having the craziest dreams.

Three people in gray robes were repeating over and over.

Sleep Sleep Sleep

And you know they were actually kind of comforting.

ISBN/Code: 0-8222-2136-5

hooo yaaa!

Deflowering Waldo is on it's way to the high style presses of DPS.

One more because it's friday--not the next scene but a scene nonetheless

(At a bar. JAKE wears a different tie. ELISE wears a skirt under her raincoat. She still has her big rubber boots.)

JAKE I had to shoot him. I didn’t want to. I still have nightmares about it. But I had to do it. If I had to do it again, I’d do the same thing. I take the law very seriously.

ELISE Is that right?

JAKE I’m sure you take your job very seriously too. Being the youngest ever fire chief and all.

ELISE You read up on me.

JAKE I am a detective.

ELISE I found out a little about you too.

JAKE What’s that?

ELISE You live alone. No pets even. You drink too much. You swear too much. You call your mother on Sundays. You never call your father. Your socks often don’t match. You never learned to swim. You’ve never been married but you had an exgirlfriend you loved more than anything. She died when a tourboat caught fire in the Carribean. You were supposed to be on that boat but you couldn’t get the time off. Some nights you wished you had died with her—suffocated and then burned to death. Other times you imagine you could have saved her even though you never learned to swim. You couldn’t cope for a while after her death. They gave you time off after you crashed up a coupe or two. Then you spent a little time in a white room with cushy walls. When you returned they gave you fire duty. You have an almost religious need to catch the arsonist. And while I believe you have interest in me, I can’t help but think you want to be close to me in case it helps your case in the long run. That and I’m the best looking firefighter in New York. Although they didn’t print that.

JAKE Well . . . I guess you did your homework. Anything else?

ELISE Yeah. You’re an excellent detective. You almost always get your man.

JAKE What about women?

ELISE We’ll have to see. The night is still young.

another scene (1st draft, people)

(The Police Station. JAKE sits at his desk, his head in his hands. He takes a swig from a whiskey bottle and then puts his head back in his hands.)

TOM Detective.

JAKE Tom.

JANE Detective.

JAKE Jane.

STU Detective.

JAKE Stu. TOM Hittin’ the bottle pretty hard.

STU Drinkin’ like a fish.

JANE Sumptin’ on your mind?

JAKE No, no. It’s this damn arsonist. TOM Yeah, he’s making you look pretty bad.

STU Cripes, I wouldn’t want to be you.

JANE No leads, huh?

JAKE None. Real professional jobs, all of them. And done with such precision.

TOM And malice.

STU Bloody anarchy.

JANE Hope he fries, the flaming bastard. TOM Ain’t no reason for a man like that to live even.

STU Sick is what it is.

JAKE I dunno. You know what really gets me?

JANE What?

TOM What?

STU What?

JAKE The unmitigated gall. Coming to my town starting fires. We work hard to keep order.

JANE, TOM, STU We do.

JAKE The size of the balls on this bastard comes to my town lighting fires. Chaos. The streets full of screeching fire engines. The danger of speeding traffic. The heat of the fire itself. Little old ladies crossing the street. Fire hoses. Ladders. The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. What kind of person causes such chaos? It’s sick.

JANE You’ll get em, Jake.

STU Don’t worry.

TOM Hang in there, slugger.

(The phone rings.)

JAKE Hello. I’ll be right there. (hangs up the phone.) If you’ll excuse me, I got a fire downtown I got to get to.

And may I recommend

FOr you NYCers, A Living Room in Africa produced by the Edge Theatre Co. Now at Theatre Row.

I'm actually going to see this again it was so good. I read this play a couple years ago and I loved it then. It's even better now. Bash Doran was a year above me at Columbia and is now two years above me at Juilliard. She is one to watch.

Also if you have never seen an Edge production, you really have to see this. The Cantor/ Korins team is unbeatable. They've done some Adam Rapp in the past. They did Ann Marie Healy's play also "Now That's What I call a Storm". And last year it was Orange Flower Water.

I'm telling you though, go see this play.

A

NEW

Here is the start of something--wrote in Paula Vogel workshop at the flea. This will be film noir project. 1 (A therapists office. CARRIE is in professional attire. ELISE wears a fireman’s hat, a long raincoat and big rubber boots.) CARRIE Before we start, congratulations on the promotion. ELISE Thank you. It was in the— CARRIE Yes, I read it. The youngest fire chief in New York City ever. Very impressive. ELISE Thank you. CARRIE You must be very proud. ELISE Things have been going well. CARRIE That’s always good to hear. What else is going on? You missed last week’s session. ELISE Been a lot of fires recently. CARRIE I see. And . . . uh these are-- ELISE Oh, we’ve been keeping ahead of them. Don’t worry. CARRIE I’m not worried, I’m asking-- ELISE Although the dating has slowed down, you know since the promotion. Men are threatened by a woman in power. CARRIE Let’s talk about why you feel that way. ELISE I don’t think we need to talk about it. I mean it’s true, right? CARRIE Well, I consider myself a successful woman and I--- ELISE Jesus Christ. Can we get through one session without talking about your husband? CARRIE I wasn’t—I’m sorry. ELISE I swear. CARRIE How is your impulse control these days? ELISE Oh, come on— CARRIE I think it’s important to discuss. ELISE Have I been starting fires, you mean. CARRIE Well, yes. ELISE I don’t think you understand. A fire is the most beautiful thing ever created. I dare you to show me a work of art that can rival a three alarm fire. You couldn’t do it. You just couldn’t. And I like art as much as the next person but I wonder always when I see a Van Gogh or a Rembrant--I imagine, as I’m sure you do, what it would look like on fire. That second before the painting caves in, that would be incomparable. But sadly, I don’t think any of us will live to see it. We could burn prints, I suppose, cheap gift store prints, but it would just be paper. No melting paint, no disintegrating wood. It’s a waste. Cause, a fire--there’s nothing like a good fire. At first it’s just a match, a little yellow flame, and it need nurturing to grow to an inferno. Those oranges, those yellows, those cores of blue don’t just happen by themselves. They take planning. They take skill. I am not some kerosene dousing fourteen year old—no. I am an artist. I can make flames that lick the sky and tear down warehouses while leaving buildings inches away unscathed. And of course, me and the boys are always around to come and put it out in case anything should happen. CARRIE You need to stop. ELISE I don’t need to do anything. CARRIE It’s not right. ELISE No one’s been hurt. CARRIE It’s just a matter of time. You need to stop. ELISE I can’t. It’s too beautiful. It’s way too beautiful.

Also

I am looking for film noir movies I can watch--especially with a femme fatale who ends up being the criminal the gumshoe is looking for. an Oedipus type deal.

Any help?

Reading Last Night

went really well. Everyone's assistant was there. What's that, you're someone's assistant and you weren't there. Well I hope you come next time.

And I'm not deriding in any way. I too am someone's assistant.

---

But what I was trying to say was that the reading went well, but not so well that I wasn't just a bit depressed afterwards--I couldn't help but feeling I could have written it better. I could have tightened it tighter, I could have hung it looser or cut that stage direction or that scene. And while I'm on the subject of writing, why am I not writing right now? Writing something far better. Oh, I have to figure it out? FIGURE IT OUT, already! Jeez.

But what I was saying is that the actors were great and the reading was mentioned twice in playbill so there was an audience there. I was working with a smart capable director and the ARS Nova facilities and staff are a cut above a cut above. Have you been to this place? I'm used to having readings in the hallway of my friend's uncle. Everyone has to get up when someone wants to enter or exit their apartment. This was more like a posh hotel for plays. It's what I imagine England is like. (I'm sure I'll be dissapointed.) But the offices and the stage and everything was beautiful.

And they gave us Tshirts afterwards.

Jobs I have had

I worked in a video store 

I took inventories in stores and warehouses using large calculators and electronic balances 

I tutored reading and writing 

I worked as a deck hand on a tour boat scooting up and down the Connecticut River where my job duties including bartending, lugging trash and steering the boat. 

I was a tour guide at Gillette Castle 

For three weeks I worked in a copy store

 I was Asst Manager and then Manager of various video stores in a chain in MA

 I sold wholesale fence to fence contractors

 I worked in shipping and receiving for a 3D artist whose work is in all the windows in times square.

 I was a set builder at Columbia University. No one was ever hurt...by me. 

I worked for 2 agents, 1 theatre, and 1 producer, largely in a lit capacity 

Which brings me to the current Administrative Asst Position at the Journalism School where I photocopy proofread and perform other sundry duties.

Remember when we detained Japanese Americans during WWII? We didn't learn from this mar on our record. Now we go and get people who wear certain watches and we put them in jail for years out of the eye of US laws and regulations and sily things like the Geneva Convention. While there, they are abused. All in the name of American freedom and democracy for all. This has been our nightmare since the Bush administration began stashing prisoners it did not want to account for in Guantánamo Bay: An ordinary man with a name something like a Taliban bigwig's is swept up in the dragnet and imprisoned without any hope of proving his innocence.

In New York

Out Loud Reading series Mon March 13 at 7pm Pretty Theft By Adam Szymkowicz Directed by Evan Cabnet In the summer between high school and college, Allegra must fend for herself as she is faced with a summer job at a rest home, a new best friend who's hellbent on self-destruction, a boyfriend who is a terrible kisser, a disastrous roadtrip in a stolen car, a kidnapper, and provocative lipstick. A chorus of ballerinas punctuate this whimsical, humorous and bittersweet coming of age tale. With Naomi Aborn, Heidi Armbruster, Austin Lysy and Heidi Schreck Ars Nova 511 West 54th street

IN Los Angeles

LOVE BITES Genre Comedy Opens Tuesday, February 21, 2006 Closes Friday, March 17, 2006 Runs Tuesdays & Thursdays - Vol. III Wednesdays & Fridays - Vol. IV Special Show Info Running time: 90 minutes. There will be an intermission. Elephant Asylum Theatre 6322 Santa Monica Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90038 Ample Street Parking Area Map Reservations (323) 960-7822 Tickets $15.00 Individual Show Special Note: If you purchase a ticket for BOTH SHOWS, use Promo Code 005, for 2nd show (Vol.IV) only - This is a $10.00 Savings! Combination tickets will be verified. LOVE BITES VOL. III & IV "An evening of not so romantic shorts and dysfunctional comedies" ---------------------------------- TUESDAY/THURSDAY (Vol. III) Writers: Gena Acosta, Zibby Allen, Kerry Carney, & Jacqueline Christy Directors: Kerry Carney, Don Cesario, Amy French, Christopher Game, & Tom Stanczyk. ---------------------------------- WEDNESDAY/FRIDAY (Vol. IV) Writers: Tony Foster, Gloria CalderÓn Kellett, Tom Stanczyk, & Adam Szymkowicz Directors: Lindsay Allbaugh, Zibby Allen, Dave Fofi, Christopher Game, Emily Hands, & Gina Soto. Cast includes: Kerry Carney, Brendan Connor, Nelson DelRosario, Kate Ascott-Evans, David Franco, Amy French, Alexander Hoover, Cheryl Huggins, Annie Morse, Jeff Perry

It's snowing. I love that. I'm having one of those days. I feel like I'm barely here. Someone please acknowledge my existence. I wish people would talk about me more.

Swabbed

This morning, I was about to enter the subway on my way to work when I was stopped by a cop and asked to step over to the side to be searched. This had happened to me before maybe a month ago—I had opened my bag and they had looked in it and then, seeing nothing particularly dangerous they had waved me on my way. This time was different. There were about 6 cops altogether over on the side. One had rubber gloves. They asked me to stand behind a white line next to the joking cop (his job was to joke and make everything jovial). Then the cop in the rubber gloves swabbed my bag with a strip of something and put it through some machine. And then because they didn’t find what they were looking for, and apparently my bag still contains nothing dangerous, the mood remained jovial, the joking cop made another joke and everyone was all smiles when the rubber gloved cop told me I could go.

stirrings in the world of Floyd Britchcraft. Floyd, I'll take that 20 bucks now.

Article in NY Times from interrogator: From January 2004 to January 2005, I served in various places in Iraq (including Abu Ghraib) as an Army interrogator. Following orders that I believed were legal, I used military working dogs during interrogations. I terrified my interrogation subjects, but I never got intelligence (mostly because 90 percent of them were probably innocent, but that's another story). Perhaps, I have thought for a long time, I also deserve to be prosecuted. But if that is the case, culpability goes much farther up the chain of command than the Army and the Bush administration have so far been willing to admit.

Alliance Theatre is now housing blogs for its artists to talk about their productions there. I'm curious to see how this will work. Will playwrights and dramaturgs be talking about production problems? Are there restrictions on what can be said about one's collaborators? Is this the wave of the future or a very bad idea?

This should be interesting. Comes out in April

The Case for Impeachment: The Legal Argument for Removing President George W. Bush from Office by David Lindroff

Mark it on your calendar or Tattoo it on your arm

A small notice in Playbill about my reading coming up. You have to scroll to the bottom but it's there. The Out Loud reading series will continue March 13 with Adam Szymkowicz's Pretty Theft. Evan Cabnet directs. I hope you will be able to make that. If not please come to the likely but not definite production of Nerve (three weeks?) in May, in NYC. Or come to production of Food For Fish four weekends in July also in NYC. Or Pretty Theft in DC fringe 5 days in early July.

LA folks, let me know if you want to attend. I can get a limited number of comps. A

TRYING TO TRANSLATE WHAT MY GIRLFRIEND IS SAYING IN SWEDISH WHILE SHE'S ON THE PHONE TO HER MOTHER from McSweeneys. Thanks to Daisey for this.

the amazing ever-expanding universe and your place in it

This blew my mind more than a little bit. ----- Santa Roi or something similar This Santa play is finally taking a little bit of shape in my mind, which is good because I'm going nuts with not writing anything.