(Back in the White House the PRESIDENT and CHENEY)
PRESIDENT
What are you doing tonight, Cheney?
CHENEY
Well, me and the wife and Halliburton were gonna go
out and catch that new superhero film. That OK?
PRESIDENT
Sure sure.
CHENEY
You’ll be OK in the White House without me for a
couple hours?
PRESIDENT
Oh, sure. Sure. You know last night Halliburton and
I were having a beer and he said the darnest thing.
Oh, I shouldn’t tell you. Oh, you’d hate this. Oh, I
gotta tell you. Promise to laugh. You got to promise
to laugh.
CHENEY
OK.
PRESIDENT
You promise?
CHENEY
I promise.
PRESIDENT
He said you look like the stay puff marshmallow man.
That’s what he said. Heh heh.
CHENEY
Ha Ha. I will shoot him in the face. I will blast
him the fuck away, that fucking bastard who does he
think he is?
PRESIDENT
Now, don’t get upset. Take a breath.
CHENEY
I’m breathing.
PRESIDENT
You promised you would laugh.
CHENEY
I’m laughing.
PRESIDENT
You’re turning red.
CHENEY
I’m OK. I’m fine. It’s sorta funny.
PRESIDENT
Yeah, right?
CHENEY
Anyway, I can’t stay mad at Halliburton.
PRESIDENT
No. No, no one can.
CHENEY
Listen, I know that the American people have been kind
of down on you because of the war and all.
PRESIDENT
They have been.
CHENEY
And I know that’s hard.
PRESIDENT
It is.
CHENEY
But we know we’re doing the right thing. I know it
and you know it and Halliburton knows it and history
will show that this is the right war at the right
time.
PRESDIENT
I know. It’s just so hard. Everyone is so critical.
I’m not used to all this public criticism.
CHENEY
Yes, mostly we’ve managed to shield you from it.
PRESIDENT
Let’s do that again some more. I just don’t like all
the talk.
CHENEY
No one does. Listen, I know there’s a lot of pressure
to pull out of Iraq. Let me be honest with you,
Halliburton wanted me to talk to you.
PRESIDENT
About what?
CHENEY
He just wants to make sure you’ll stay strong.
PRESIDENT
He doesn’t have to worry about me.
CHENEY
That’s good to hear.
PRESIDENT
Let’s pray a minute.
CHENEY
Well, I should be going.
PRESIDENT
PRAY!
CHENEY
Ok, OK.
PRESIDENT
Dear God, Sweet baby Jesus. Please give us the
strength to continue this most important war. Please
be with our soldiers as they are bombed on the side of
the road and blown into smithereens. Please ride
beside them. And please let the American people know
that you stand beside me. Maybe you could give them a
disease. Heh heh. Those bastards. We’ll show them.
And please fill me with your mercy so I can stop
hating Cheney all the time. Please prevent me from
telling the secret service that he is an enemy of the
state who must be waterboarded. Please let him laugh
at my jokes more and appreciate me and not give me
more flak about the war and Halliburton. Also please
help him to protect me from criticism that does no one
good at all. Amen.
CHENEY
Amen.
PRESIDENT
Well, you’ve got a movie to go to.
CHENEY
Oh, right. I mean unless you’d rather I stay here. I
can go to a movie another night.
PRESIDENT
Oh, whichever.
CHENEY
Maybe I’ll go back to my office and think up more ways
to silence your critics.
PRESIDENT
Oh, yes. That might be good. But whatever you want,
really. No pressure. I just want what’s best for
the country.
CHENEY
Yes, the country.